Joy #6 - Good Friends

I've been thinking a lot lately about how important good friends have been and are in my life. I think it's so easy to overlook the influence of peers on our every single decision. I have been so blessed to have had good friends in my life. I can look at the times in my life when I haven't been as happy/obedient/fulfilled and can see the lack of good friends at these times. (Isn't retrospect great?) From my childhood, the stream of good friends has taken me to the place I am now, and I am so grateful.

My friends in my childhood came and went, except for my siblings and cousins. We are too much at the mercy of our parents schedules, etc. to really call our childhood friends our own choices, I think. That doesn't negate their value in helping us be better people, of course. In my life, though, I cannot remember a childhood friend that was as influential as my brother and sisters. Although we had our tough times (I remember more than one physical altercation with Mick - cornflakes flying through the family room like buckshot. Luckily the bowl missed his head!), we have managed to end up some of the best friends each other has. Family visits back and forth are some of the greatest highlights of each year. And I love the friends (cousins) that my children are making through these familial relationships.

It was getting into high school when I really started making choices in friends that were my own and reflected my personality rather than my parents' convenience. Luckily, my best friend in high school lived across the street from me. That make it much easier to keep the friendship strong. I don't think I can ever thank Barbara enough for the fabulous influence she was on my life. We don't realize at the time how vital those adolescent choices are. She was involved with and concerned about me as a person, she valued and encouraged intelligence, and she strove to be her best and to improve herself constantly. She was a great example and I couldn't help but be uplifted by her. Other friends came through my friendship with her, through my Seminary Council experience, and through drama (Palace Playhouse - oh, the memories). That group of high school friends helped bring me further in my quest for integrity in my life than I could have ever done myself. I only hope I was a reciprocally good for all those dear friends. Sometimes, though, I think good things were given to me even though I was never really worthy of them. I will thank God eternally for that generosity.

As an adult, friends have come and gone, some dearer than others, but all so important to me and so helpful to me on my journey. College roommates were wonderful, and I struggle to this day to keep those friendships alive. Friends in wards I have lived in, friends at school, teachers and employers that became friends, visiting teachers that loved me even when they really didn't know me, I was so blessed in my life. Family, too, have been a great help. I remember my cousin Michelle picking me up at the airport in New York, taking me out to dinner, and helping me find my dorm at the Juilliard school. That gave me so much comfort on my first night in the big city. Michelle and I were never particularly close, but she was there when I had a need. If that's not friendship, I don't know what is.

13 years ago I met a man I decided to make my best friend for the rest of my life. This was probably the most impactful friendship decision I have ever or will ever make. And I have never regretted my decision. I think I'm past the point now that I ever will, because even if my marriage were to fall apart, my life has been so changed by that decision in so many powerful ways I would not change things. I will do everything I can to keep this friendship strong. He is the one I can lean on when I need, the one who gives me strength every demanding day. Knowing I can depend on him makes my life more than just survival, but joyful. And because of my association with him, I have 5 more relationships that right now balance between friendship and something else (not quite mentor, not quite employer, not quite slave-driver - but somewhere in between). I hope in the long run to become best of friends with my children, a relationship I value with my own parents.
I have friends in my life now who help me be so much a better person. I don't think they all realize what an influence they have on me. I hang with a group of moms that runs a bit younger than myself (that's what I get for not having kids til I was 28), and I love their energy, their determination, and their support. I like the feeling that I contribute to their lives by being older and wiser (pragmatic is probably more accurate). But most of all I love that they remind me to keep dreaming, to keep doing things I love, to keep developing talents and serving others. These things are so easy to forget in the everyday hassle of raising a big family. Sometimes I lose myself in the shuffle, and my friendships help me find myself again. They show me how to keep finding the joy in life. I love that, and I am grateful.

My friendship with Christ (and through him, God) is so sacred to me I almost hesitate to mention it here. At first I thought that the nature of that relationship was fundamentally different that those I have heretofore mentioned, but as I considered things I changed my mind. Christ is a friend like all those I have discussed, and for many of the same reasons. My life is enriched so much by his love for me, by his example to me, and by his encouragement of me. I know I can depend on him when I am in need. He grounds me, reminds me of what is important, helps me find the true joy in living. And like so many relationships that I have had before, I know that I come away in his debt. So I do what I can to repay him by following him, by loving all those he loves, and by striving to be someone he wants to see again. And he helps and supports me as I do. What a beautiful cycle. What a beautiful life I have. I rejoice in all my friendships.