I know some people feel that perhaps my husband and I are a bit too restrained in our approach to holiday celebrations. I don't know if I've ever explained my reasons very fully, even to myself. I've spent some time thinking about why we do the things we do in our family, and I feel that I can perhaps express them so that those around us can understand what our feelings are. (I have to be careful here: these opinion are mine, and although I think Russell agrees with them, we haven't actually written this entry together, so I might not speak directly for him.)
I love holidays. I love the anticipation, the build-up, the preparation. I love the actuality of the day, when hopes and expectations are realized in fun activities and emotion-filled events. (If you know Russ, you'll recognize the preceding as the part he and I might disagree on!) I even love the peaceful quiet and rest that follows the flurry of activity. And I truly love the reasons for our culture's holidays; giving thanks to God for our blessings, the glorious birth of Christ, the beginning of a new year, the blessed resurrection of our Savior, the celebration of our country's independence, and so on. We are truly one of the most favored generations of mankind, blessed both in the time in which we live, and the place as well, and I am so grateful for these blessings. I love holidays!!
That being said...there are some things about our holiday celebrations that I hate. I feel the way we as a society celebrate the holidays has degenerated to the point where I honestly think it is detrimental to our children. I think holidays should be about three things: Remembering the reason for the holiday; sharing our joy in those reasons with those around us; and moving those feelings of joy and gratitude into service and charity. Our society has adopted ways of celebrating that seem to defeat those three main reasons for celebrating. I think that not only do our methods of celebration not teach my children to be Christ-like, they actually teach my children not to be Christ-like. (Read it again if you have to, there's a distinct difference between the former and the latter.) This extends even to birthday celebrations as we do them these days.
Our society has taught us that giving stuff to people is the best way to show them that we love them, especially our children. The more love we have, the more gifts we should give, right? While a gift can be truly meaningful and expressive, too much tips the balance from allowing kids to have joy in what they have been given to being self-interested and spoiled. One of my favorite authors, Amy Dacyczyn has expressed it well in an essay:
The Christmas morning fulfillment drama opens with a scene of the Smuckster family gathered around an enormous stack of gifts. Clyde and Bunny anxiously anticipate the reaction of their son, Hubert.Amy Dacyczyn expresses this idea of a "fulfillment curve" for material goods in terms of economics and how to get the ultimate bang for your buck, but I think the same idea can be applied on a spiritual level. When our desires are over-indulged, we turn our focus from the occasion to the self, and our capacity for true joy and for charity drops dramatically. It's so easy to give our children so much stuff (multitudes of presents at Christmas/birthday, or basketful's of candy at Halloween/Easter) and attention (yes there is such a thing as too much attention, of a type) that they begin to think only of themselves and what else they are going to get. When their focus is turned inward in this way, they easily miss all three purposes for holidays: the "reason for the season" is seen to be "to get stuff"; they are so focused on what they are getting that they don't appreciate others' joy or share an emotional connection with them; and they certainly don't move beyond that emotional high of receiving to look towards giving.
ACT I. Hubert opens two presents - a Sno-Boggan and the King's Mountain Fortress Lego set. He is ecstatic and want to play with the Legos, but Clyde insists he must open all his presents first.
ACT II. Hubert continues opening presents and receives a Creepy Cruiser Car, Beetle Juice Neighborhood Nasty figures and a Mario Brothers pinball game. His eyes are as big as saucers as he exclaims, "Cool! What else is for me?"
ACT III. More tearing and flinging of paper reveals a Hasbro WWF Wrestling Ring, the Jetsons video tape and a Nasta Air Guitar. Hubert's inner monster begins to show itself as he disdainfully points and says, "I didn't even want that wrestling thing."
ACT IV. Hubert opens Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles figures, a Nintendo Gameboy and a Big Bubba radio controlled truck. "Not this one. I told you I wanted the Black Thunder truck."
Bunny consoles him, "Don't worry, sweetie, we'll just take this one back and get you the one you want." Hubert sulks, pokes through the empty wrappings and says, "Is that all I got?"
The peak of the fulfillment curve is different for every family. The drama may play out more subtly in your family. Sometimes the only indicator is a lessening of enthusiasm... The Smucksters' Christmas would have been perfect had it been a one act play....When children have become accustomed to a large volume of material goods, more presents are required to satisfy them. (The Complete Tightwad Gazette, pg 80.)
I would love to see our community return to a more traditional celebration of all holidays, with far less emphasis on the gift-giving and the goodies, and far more on the event itself, the sharing of company with our fellow man, and how our great blessings should move us to share our bounty (of both material goods and of love) with those who are in need. This is why Russ and I have some of the traditions we do. We give the kids each one gift at Christmas (yep, only one, and if it's a group gift, they technically only get 1/5 of a gift) as well as a stocking full of small presents. Birthdays involve inviting Grandma to cake and ice cream, a gift on the morning of, as well as choosing favorite meals throughout the day (I'm starting to think this may be too much, as more than one of my children has told me they should not have to do any work on their birthday because they should get what they want on their birthday. Adjustments may be made.) We do not go trick-or-treating, but instead have a pizza/movie party. Our Easter celebration involves no candy, baskets, or baby bunnies, but rather a nice family meal and a lesson on the atonement. I encourage our family to hold/attend family get-togethers, ward parties, and activities that help celebrate without too much emphasis on presents and treats. I hope people understand that we are not trying to deprive our children of fun or pleasure, but rather keep things within bounds that allow them to enjoy the holidays to their fullest. We believe we are helping them learn lessons that will result in more joy in their lives, not less. I certainly make no claims to perfection. Even now, as I list these traditions, I can see that my family needs to find better ways to achieve the third reason for holidays, to help our positive emotions extend into service and charity.
I hope no one sees this post as a criticism. We each are responsible for making the right choices for our families, and those choices often differ vastly from one another. Those differences shouldn't necessarily be seen as right or wrong, but perhaps simply as the beautiful diversity among God's children. I would love it, however, if this post prompts people to thoughtfully consider the traditions they are establishing around the holidays and find ways to ensure their holidays are truly joyful and their families are growing closer to Christ.
