I just listened to our new neighbor talking to his cousin on the phone. I was leaving the house Russ has been working on next door, and in the darkness by the back door I heard the neighbor's voice clearly carrying through the side yard. I admit it, I eavesdropped. I do that kind of thing sometimes. I wouldn't go out of my way to listen (or peek, or snoop) but if it's right there in front of my eyes, so to speak, I gonna look. So, anyway, translating the words into socially acceptable parlance, the cousin has apparently has been begging to have his attitude adjusted but is just too timid to come around and have it done. My neighbor clearly invited his dear family member to come on up and have this wish fulfilled, along with his wife, who apparently bears some resemblance to a dog and should be leashed (yes, he actually said the leash part.) Mrs. Neighbor kept chiming in about how unfortunate it was that the relatives' maturity levels were needing some growth (in her humble opinion.) Ultimately, the cousin was informed that the house full of girls (plus Neighbor) could easily teach the lessons needing to be taught. At this point I left, having discovered that there really wasn't anything to be gained from this eavesdropping session. But it got me thinking about my own family and Thanksgiving.
A magazine I subscribe to, Real Simple, carries a column about social etiquette called Modern Manners. This month's issue addressed the following question, "How do you deal with hosting family members who aren't on speaking terms?" The answer was mostly the obvious and appropriate "speak to warring parties in advance" and "don't seat differing factions next to one another" types of advice, and concluded with the following,
And take some comfort in this: Someday, in a year or two or 20 from now, even the worst blowup will morph into a "wacky family" story. "Remember that time cousin Helen tossed the mixed nuts at Aunt Vina's head?"
So I started wracking my brain. Do I remember a time when cousin Whomever threw some dish at Aunt Whatshername? Nope. Can't say as I do. How about the time when Grandpa came to the family party drunk and got into a shouting match with Uncle Elmo? Again, nope. In fact, I don't even remember any time when we all had to walk on eggshells because someone wasn't speaking to somebody else. No "wacky family stories" about hate and violence. It seems that in my family everyone went out of their way to get along. Disagreements were short-lived or weren't brought to family gatherings. My family always seemed to be happy to see each other, to get along, to share warmth and love at the holiday parties and celebrations (wedding receptions, etc.) I literally cannot remember a time when anyone left in anger or refused to attend because they couldn't get along with the others. I also don't remember ever being in a situation where I threatened a cousin I would be happy to kick their butt. (Help me out here, Marisa. Do you remember any such situations? Do you, Amanda?) In fact, I have very fond memories of family get-togethers and parties. Sledding down the steep hill, a cliff really, behind Grandma Beth's house one Christmas when the snow was unusually deep. Singing carols in Aunt Alma's basement, which had the coolest bar, like a real bar. Cousin Susan, after a radical mastectomy, passing her breast forms around the group of women and joking about "boobs du jour." Uncle Wally and the big boys wrestling on the floor (Wally always seemed to win.) Kliener and shortbread and warm apple wassail. Good times.
As I listen to people talk about how they're going to "manage" their family at the holiday parties and dinners, I wonder how common my experience is. Probably not very. And I am so thankful. Thankful for a family that learned to get along despite differences (and I know there were some serious differences in religious and lifestyle choices.) Thankful for parents that kept us kids protected from family members that might engage in hurtful and destructive behavior. Thankful for aunts and uncles and cousins that loved all of us and were fun to be around. Thankful to have married into a family that seems to have the same traits. I truly have been blessed.
Happy Thanksgiving.
A magazine I subscribe to, Real Simple, carries a column about social etiquette called Modern Manners. This month's issue addressed the following question, "How do you deal with hosting family members who aren't on speaking terms?" The answer was mostly the obvious and appropriate "speak to warring parties in advance" and "don't seat differing factions next to one another" types of advice, and concluded with the following, 
