Simple and Small

I wish I had written this.

2012-01-11T06:22:00.000-08:00

Fabulous blog post about being a mom. Take a few minutes. It's worth it.

Star Wars funny

2011-12-29T19:40:00.000-08:00

What I've been reading (part of)

2011-10-22T19:49:00.001-07:00

I picked up a book the the library called Secrets and Wives: The Hidden World of Mormon Polygamy, by Sanjiv Bhattacharya. I'm always interested in a book about polygamy, told from either side of the moral fence, but this one, told from the perspective of a complete outsider (a British journalist of East-Indian descent based in the US) promised to be interesting and hopefully fairly non-biased. The following excerpts were from within the first 60 pages of the book.

It's April 1, the Sunday of the LDS Church's biennial National Conference weekend, and anywhere between a billion and a trillion Mormons are pouring out of the conference center. The men and boys look chipper and corporate, their dark suits so stiff the hangers might still be in the jackets. The women resemble an army of Martha Stewarts or small-town news anchors, supreme in their assurance that their salvation is secure, their linens spotless and their souffles certain to rise in this life and in the next. No one rushes or dawdles or crisscrosses the rows, and this goes for the children, too. The orderliness is immaculate. Their pacing and posture is so even, so metronomic that I'm thinking of microchips and slow-release medication, to Nurse Ratched, George Orwell and Invasion of the Body Snatchers starring Donald Sutherland. Outside of Japan or the insect world, I've never seen anything less unruly. It's so very ruly it's terrifying.

Really? Terrifying? I've been to conference. I've seen the crowds when they get out. I've never seen anything metronomic about them. Kids run and skip. People jostle each other as they try to get to their cars just a little bit faster than the family next to them. The only difference between this crowd and the crowd leaving say, a symphony performance or an Amway convention (hee hee) is that the General Conference crowd is nicer. But slow-release medication? Either this guy went to the one conference where only robots attended, or he was looking for a certain behavior before he set out. Later in the same chapter, he discusses the streets of Salt Lake City:

Spend a few days in Salt Lake City, however, and the prospect of Mormon power is a shuddering thought. And not just because of the dismal liquor laws. In the Downtown District surrounding the temple, the streets are vast, vacant, and alienating; the intersections are barren expanses; pedestrians look lost and cowed. It's Brigham Young's fault for stipulating that the streets should be wide enough to turn a horse and carriage. He surely envisioned his Mormon Mecca as a hive of bustling saints, busy consecrating their profits to his beloved church. Instead he created a scene from 28 Days Later, peopled only by missionary drones stalking the streets searching for new souls. Even cars look adrift, stranded at red lights for eternities, watching tiny pedestrians traverse immense crossings.

All right, he does have some funny comments to make, I agree. Mormon women confident that their souffles will rise in this life and in the next? Funny. Dismal liquor laws? I don't even drink and I agree the liquor laws in this state are very quirky, and not in an endearing way. But alienating streets? Pedestrians lost and cowed? There are many avenues just as wide in New York City. I doubt he would use the same descriptions for the streets in the Big Apple. Maybe we just keep things too clean here. Or need more winos begging on the corners. Then maybe he'd feel more comfortable. My point, though, is this: If the man can't even describe Mormon crowds or the streets of Salt Lake City without resorting to negative and foreboding imagery, how can I believe that his take on any of his experiences is without a serious slant? I can't. My hopes of a non-biased perspective are misplaced. I'm so disturbed by the smarmy, condescending tone, I'm wondering if it's even worth my time to finish the book. What should you do when you begin to question the value of a book partway through?

Star Wars

2011-10-22T16:34:00.000-07:00

Hee hee. Star Wars silliness.

Shoe giveaway - yes, shoes!!

2011-10-20T05:56:00.000-07:00

My favorite shoe review blog is giving away a free pair of Jambu shoes from the fall/winter line. Jambu are some of my favorite styles. They are funky and comfortable - very me. So, even at the risk of decreasing my chances to win, I'm willing (happy, actually) to share the link with you. Go. Comment. Win.

Birthday cake

2011-10-15T20:54:00.000-07:00

Katie's 8th birthday was today. She asked for a Phineas and Ferb cake, and as Perry is the only character that I think is at all attractive, this was the cake I went with. Although it was a very simple design, I'm pleased with how it turned out. I think I captured his expression well. Hey, where's Perry?
The cake was a standard yellow boxed mix, baked into two 9-inch layers. I frosted them with store frosting (shh, don't tell anyone) colored Perry color (sky blue with a touch of green). I traced the bill and filled it with yellow frosting, piping it in with a round tip, but then spreading it to make it smooth. I then outlined it in orange. The eyes were difficult. First I tried making some eyes out of frosting on a sheet of waxed paper and freezing it, hoping to transfer them to the cake when frozen. Well, store-bought frosting doesn't get hard in the freezer. Crap! About 1/2 hour before the dinner (where we would serve the cake) I was trying to decide what to do, when I saw the almond bark and the bakers chocolate in the cupboard. I knew they would turn hard in the freezer. So, a quick melt of white chocolate, a speedy art moment of shaping the eyes, and about 2 minutes in the freezer and I had the whites. I placed the two best on the cake and piped the melted dark chocolate around for the brows and irises. Then into the fridge with it all to get it all to set, and...voila! I was very pleased (as well as relieved.) And the girl was thrilled. I love the big smile when they see the cake for the first time. Fabulous!!

Katie's baptism invitation

2011-10-06T09:02:00.000-07:00

I made this invitation over the last couple of days. I am very pleased with it.
It feels good to have done one good thing in the morass of laziness and self-indulgence that has been my life of late. (Working on that.)

An excellent FHE

2011-10-04T05:48:00.000-07:00

We had LDS General Conference this weekend, which means 8 hours of church for the kiddos, though thankfully not all in a row. It's not easy to keep the kids paying attention for that long, but our kids are getting older, so we insist that they take notes. This actually works quite well. I reward them (with daddy dollars - good for wii time) for staying on task and not needing reprimands, but I also wanted to reward them for the quality of their notes. In the past I have given a candy bar, or a portion thereof, depending on the thoroughness of their notes (taking into account their ages and abilities.) This year, I wanted to avoid the candy thing, the direct connection between good behavior and sugar. Yesterday, I had an idea. I went through my own notes and also did some online searching and found quotes from many of the talks. I tried to find a quote that really represented the gist of each talk, or a very recognizable tagline. I also included some very simple questions for the little ones. Then we had an open-note quiz-show type contest for FHE, trying to guess who said each quote. It was so fun! The kids were searching their notes for the right talk, looking for either the direct quote or even a talk with the same subject matter. We had some basic ground rules to make things flow easier. The simple questions were for the little girls only, and they were allowed to answer in age order (i.e. Sarah got first crack, followed by Katie, then Liz.) The quotes were open to everyone. First hand up was called on first. If you answered once and got it wrong, you had to wait until everyone had made a guess before you were allowed to try again. When you got an answer correct, you got to choose a prize from the "prize bucket" that I keep in the house, filled with little items like erasers, pencils, balloons, stickers, and whatever little things I pick up during the year on clearance, etc. It was a blast! Definitely a keeper. The kids should have an easier time taking notes next time, now they know how to listen and what kinds of things to write down. I think this will become a fun family Conference tradition. Below are the quotes and questions I used this year.

Let us be as quick to kneel as we are to text. -Ian S. Ardern
The lord uses a scale very different from the world’s to weigh the worth of a soul. -Pres. Uchtdorf
Was told by Pres. Monson, “It’s better to look up.” -Carl B. Cook
I promise you that if you will respond to invitations to share your beliefs and feelings about the restored gospel of Jesus Christ a spirit of love and a spirit of courage, will be our constant companion for 'perfect love casteth out fear.' -L. Tom Perry
Scriptures are like packets of light that illuminate our minds. -Richard G. Scott
The devil could not have written it. It must be from God. -Tad R. Callister
The most important thing a father can do for his daughter is to love her mother. -Elaine S. Dalton
Be loyal to the royal within you. -Elaine S. Dalton
It is extremely important that we have a spirit of gratitude in our hearts. -Quentin L. Cook
Hello! -Thomas S. Monson
First we have promised to become charitable. Second, we promised to become witnesses of God. And third we promised to endure. The Book of Mormon is the best guide to learn how well we are doing and how to do better. - Henry B. Eyring
The name the Savior has given to His Church tells us exactly who we are and what we believe. We believe that Jesus Christ is the Savior and the Redeemer of all mankind. He atoned for all who would repent of their sins, and He broke the bands of death and provided resurrection from the dead. We follow Jesus Christ. - M. Russell Ballard
Although the world has changed, the laws of God remain constant. They have not changed; they will not change. The ten commandments are just that -- commandments. They are not suggestions. They are every bit as requisite today as they were when God gave them to the children of Israel. - Thomas S. Monson
Youth today are being raised in enemy territory with a declining standard of morality. But as a servant of the Lord, I promise that you will be protected and shielded from the attacks of the adversary if you will heed the promptings that come from the Holy Spirit. -Boyd K. Packer
It may be true that man is nothing in comparison to the greatness of the universe. At times we may even feel insignificant, invisible, alone, or forgotten. But always remember -- you matter to Him! - Dieter F. Uchtdorf
We believe in families, and we believe in children. -Niel L. Andersen
We learned that in order to go to our son’s rescue, we did not need a planning meeting. We simply acted.- Jose L. Alonso
Sister Biereictal, because of her love and her charitable nature, even in her own great need she willingly shared her food with a starving prisoner of war. Later, when asked how she was able to keep her testimony during all those trials, she replied, “I didn’t keep a testimony through those times. The testimony kept me.” -Barbara Thompson

QUESTIONS FOR LITTLE KIDDOS
Where does Conference take place?
How often do we have Conference?
Who did you sustain as prophet, seer, and revelator?
How many members in The Quorum of the 12 Apostles?
Name one group who sang during Conference.
Who presides at Conference?
Name one person who conducted Conference.

A post for Pinterest

2011-09-13T06:15:00.000-07:00

Where can I find this? I really like it!

Can I just say?

2011-09-11T11:38:00.000-07:00

It irritates me when people assume the phrase, "God bless America," carries with it an implicit, "...and to hell with all the other countries in the world." It doesn't. It only says what it says. Please God, please bless America. We need it. If I pray to do well on a test, does that mean I want everyone else to fail? No. When I pray for my children to pass safely on their way to school, does that mean I wish ill to all other children? Of course not. Perhaps the case could be made that if one were to pray to win a competition, then one is wishing the other team to lose, to fail. But international affairs need not be a competition. One country does not need to fail for another to succeed. Not in a ideal world. So the phrase, "God bless America" means just that. And nothing more.

And as long as I'm at it, when the Dugger family (18 Kids and Counting) thanked God for the blessings that were their children, there were a very vocal few who managed to find that offensive. If children are a blessing from God, then that must mean the Duggers thought that lack of children implied lack of blessings, i.e. God doesn't love those without children as much as He loves those with children, and you can tell how much God loves you by the numbers He blesses you with. How self-absorbed must you be to think that someone's gratitude to God is an insult to you? Amazing.

Whew! All right. I'm done.

Ethics vs. Economy

2011-09-04T16:16:00.000-07:00

I have certain beliefs that I try to incorporate into daily life. Some of them have to do with food. I think animal fats are good for you, so long as they are healthily derived. I think that processed fats and synthetic fats (like hydrogenated oils and soy/cottonseed oil) are very bad for your health. I think processed foods as a whole are bad for you. The whiter the grain, the worse for your health, with the possible exception of rice every now and again. If it comes packaged in plastic and you can eat it right out of the bag, it's probably not good for you. I think sweeteners should be used sparingly, and even then they should be as minimally processed as possible. I also am of the opinion that the human body is designed to deal with poisons and poor foods in the diet, and so the occasional intake of any of the above foods will not cause trouble in the midst of a healthy diet. So, you can see where I'm coming from, food wise, right?
Now, here is my dilemma: Do I have a responsibility to feed a large group of people at the same standard I feed myself and my family, or can I justifiably feed them at a socially accepted standard? Making the food choices I do is not as cheap as the alternative. If I'm bringing a dish to a potluck or bringing a meal in for compassionate service, or even bringing cookies to a Primary party, can I make the food with cheap sugars, processed grains, and questionably healthy oils in order to save money? Especially if I feel that the recipients have no concern whatsoever which way I choose to do things? What is my moral obligation as far as food is concerned?

All right. I give in.

2011-09-02T15:17:00.000-07:00

I decided to blog this giveaway at the Tall Snob Blog. This is the first time I have ever done this, linked a blog entry to a contest. Is it worth it for one more entry? We'll see. I certainly hope so, even if it feels just a little mercenary. Like having ads on your blog. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. Just not what I'm used to. On the positive side, I love to support any organization that's advocating for cute clothes for tall people. I wouldn't call it an earth-shattering cause, but it does mean something to me. So...if you are tall and want to win $50 (and who doesn't), click on over and enter. Or something like that.

Nice

2011-09-02T06:18:00.000-07:00

I heard once that in order to consider myself well-read, I needed to read something by Larry McMurtry, so when I found Lonesome Dove at the DI, I snatched it up. I'm still getting into it, but came across this passage that I loved.

The boy's face lit up as if he had just been given a new saddle. He had practically worshipped Jake Spoon once, and would clearly be willing to again, given the encouragement. Augustus felt a momentary pang - he liked Jake, but felt him to be too leaky a vessel to hold so much hope. But then, all vessels leaked to some degree.

Nice. Very nice.

Pretty

2011-08-12T17:19:00.000-07:00

Putting this on my blog so that I can pin it on Pinterest. I found it online a while back, and I can't find it again, hence the self-publish. I claim no copyright to this print. But isn't it pretty? I would love to find fabric of this to do my girl's rooms.

How good is your laundry detergent?

2011-07-19T17:05:00.000-07:00

There's not much nicer than the lovely heat from a wood-burning stove on a cold winter day, right? To this end, Russ has decided to take the oldest 2 kids this week and go wood cutting on Smith's Mesa. The wood that's available to cut are some trees that were burned in a fire a few years back. As the fire moved through quickly, the trees were really only burned on the outside, and they still make great firewood. Plus, they're free (which is one of our favorite words in the whole world.) The only real problem is how filthy handling this wood makes a worker. Check out these photos of Aubrey and Russ after a morning hauling wood. It makes me cringe just to look at them. I'm sure glad I don't have to do the laundry by hand.

No more music

2011-07-18T20:13:00.000-07:00

The service I was using to put the music player on my blog changed their policy, and they now have ads about every 3 songs. I'm not sure when this happened, because I haven't blogged in about a month, but if you ever were here and had to listen to commercials int eh music, I'm so sorry. I HATE commercials and ads that appear when you don't choose to watch them, like at the beginning of videos on Youtube and Failblog, or in the middle of the news article you are reading. I know that companies have to make money, but they didn't have ads for the first 2 years I used them. Why now? If the ads had been there from the beginning I wouldn't mind so much. Or if they let you know they are changing their policy. But when they just start throwing ads around without warning, I feel offended. I try my hardest to keep that stuff out of my life. I don't let the kids watch too much commercial television (we usually watch dvds - and skip the previews), I don't subscribe to magazines. I even try to put name brand stuff in generic containers in my house, trying to avoid the brand-name recognition and influence at least a little bit. (See this article about the effects of advertising on children.) So when I was working on my blog and enjoying the music and heard the commercial for McDonald's, I got mad. I removed the player and emailed the company telling me how disappointed I was. I'll be looking for a player that doesn't have embedded ads. Or maybe I won't. That music I chose mostly for me to listen to while I was working on posts. I have tunes on the computer. Perhaps I'll just let a little peace and quiet reign here on Simple and Small.

What I've been reading

2011-07-18T06:22:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I've spent a lot of time reading this summer. I just love it. I keep thinking I need to get to work on other projects, but I have a list I just can't seem to take a break from. It helps a lot that all of my kids are old enough now to keep themselves occupied. Usually by reading as well. Cool! I went through many years in reading Siberia (due to little children needing constant attention) and now I'm really enjoying being back. So, here's the list:

I Am Not a Serial Killer, Mr. Monster, and I Don't Want to Kill You, by Dan Wells. I saw this series on the Whitney Awards. Mr. Monster won the 2010 Whitney Award for best novel. I started the series expecting a psychological thriller, but then it morphed into a fantasy thriller. I was confused (probably my own fault) but I finished the book, and the series, and quite enjoyed them. The books are about a young man who has antisocial personality disorder, a condition associated with psychopathy and serial killers. He is obsessed with killing, and causing pain. However, his logical mind knows this is wrong, and although he has no empathy for others' emotions, he doesn't want to do what is wrong. He is at war with himself. Then, into his small-town world comes an actual serial killer. I enjoyed the books, and could see the author grow as each book progressed. I think the second book, Mr. Monster, was the best of the three, but I look forward to the next installment. (On a side note, I loved Mr. Wells' dedication in the first novel. It read, "For Rob, who gave me the best incentive a little brother can give. He got published first." Classic.)
Escape from Rwanda, by John Bizimana. This is a story of this man's escape from the slaughter in Rwanda, when he was a child. John was very lucky, in that his mother was alive and was able to accompany him and his siblings, that she was able to bring some valuables with them, that they had friends to go to in neighboring countries, and that they had family in Europe and the US to get the children out of Africa after their mother passed away. It's hard to believe how harrowing the story is, even with all that "luck." The story of humanity in general is so filled with contradictions - people risk their lives to save other people who are fleeing still other people intent on killing them. How can people be so wonderful and yet so horrible? It frightens me that we all have the potential for either within us, depending on the circumstances. In addition to his physical circumstances, the book discusses John's emotional reaction to the upheavals in his life until he found the LDS church, which gave him a solid foundation of moral belief and social support that helps him along with his life. All in all, an uplifting book about overcoming the challenges of our lives and finding God.
The Captive, by Victoria Holt. I've been trying to find books for Aubrey to read,a s she devours books as quickly as I do. I remembered I used to love Victoria Holt as a teen, so I found one at the D.I. for Aubrey. Who doesn't love a good Gothic romance? I know I do. Victoria Holt, under several pen names, produced nearly 200 novels, and so if Aubrey enjoys them, she'll have plenty of reading material for a good while. (Reading material that doesn't have anything to do with vampires.) Well, of course, I had to read it first, for old times sake, and I enjoyed it. A quick, light read just for fun. Nice.
As I was in a nostalgic mood from the Victoria Holt, when I saw a copy of Tarzan of the Apes, by Edgar Rice Burroughs, at the library, I felt I had to re-acquaint myself with it as well. I remember reading several of the Tarzan novels by Burroughs as a young teen and finding them quite thrilling. This newer edition (2008) has an introduction by Gore Vidal and an afterword by Michael Meyer. My heart thrilled to the fond memories of action and adventure, while at the same time my mind cringed at the blatant coincidence, anthropomorphism, and sticky Victorian stereotypes. I loved the bulging-muscle, bodice-heaving fun of the jungle, but I had forgotten the truly terrible finish to the novel. No wonder the movies kept changing the ending. All in all, a fun trip into the past. But I don't think I'll re-read any of the sequels.
The Healing Spell, by Kimberley Griffiths Little. This book, another find from the Whitney Awards, is a juvenile fiction book about a young girl, Livie, growing up in the bayou. Her mother is injured and in a coma, but is brought home by Livie's father to recover surrounded by family. What a sweet book about the struggle to go from childish fear and guilt to more mature responsibility and acceptance. At it's core it's a book about love, with it's many challenges and frustrations, as well as it's comforts and rewards. I enjoyed this novel, and highly recommend it.
Wolves, Boys, and Other Things That Might Kill Me, by Kristen Chandler. A novel aimed at teens, this story follows KJ Carson, a young woman growing up just outside of Yellowstone National Park, who is caught up not only in her social and romantic struggles, but also in the small-town debate regarding the reintroduction of wolves into the Yellowstone environs. As the controversy heats up, so does the conflict in KJ's life. I think this novel does justice to the depth of emotion and struggle that comes with changing the status quo, whether it be environmental (wolves), social (new boyfriend), or emotional (seeking independence). I think this book will really appeal to my daughter, who is struggling with all these issues. Except the wolves.

So there is a month's worth of books. I did start The Girl Who Played with Fire last month, but put it on hold when some of the above books came available at the library. I will pick it up again someday, and report. People who's blogs I read keep recommending good books, and my list continues to grow. Although a looming list creates a bit of pressure, and there is much satisfaction in finishing a to do list, when I find myself wondering if I will ever finish, I kind of hope not.

What I've been reading.

2011-06-16T15:43:00.000-07:00

So, it's been ages since I blogged about what I've been reading,and I've read many, many books since then. I will list a few of them and give you short reviews. No in-depth plot synopses here. I just want you all to be impressed with how many books I'm reading these days.

The Dark Mirror, Blade of Fortriu, and The Well of Shades by Juliet Marillier. These books are a historical fantasy series about King Bridei, a king of the Picts in Scotland around 500AD. Very intriguing. I've really enjoyed everything I've read by this author.
Matched by Ally Condie. I was steered toward this book by the Whitney Awards, and I was very glad that I was. This is a book for teens in the vein of The Hunger Games. A future dystopian society creates, through it's manipulative tendencies, the very tool that may bring about it's downfall. I really liked this book. A lot.
The Land of Painted Caves by Jean M. Auel. The final (I think) in the Earth's Children Series. I felt had to read this just because I had read all the other books in the series. The first book in the series, Clan of the Cave Bear, was truly exceptional. I loved it and have read it several times. The next two, The Valley of Horses, and The Mammoth Hunters, were also very good, if a little on the explicit side. Following were The Plains of Passage and The Shelters of Stone. At that point, I think the writing began to slide, although the research seemed exceptional. This last book seemed forced and stilted, just a contrived vehicle for the author's meticulous research into the ancient artwork decorated caves of France. I can't really recommend it very highly.
Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater. It's rare that I find a book so un-engaging that I don't even care to finish it. This was one of those rare times. It's the first in a series about werewolves in Wisconsin (or maybe it was Minnesota. Whatever.) I didn't like it. I didn't even finish it.
Dragon Keeper by Carole Wilkinson. This book is from the juvenile section of the library. I've really found some books I enjoy in this section (Harry Potter is in the juvenile section), and I'm always on the lookout for more. This book, first in a series about a slave girl who saves the last Imperial dragon and finds her inner power along the way, was a good read, and I think my kids will really enjoy it.
Book of a Thousand Days by Shannon Hale. I really enjoy reading Shannon Hale. She has a very fresh perspective and a unique voice. Fabulous.
The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. I had heard so much about Nicholas Sparks I wanted to read something by him. This was a sweet book, but very sentimental and depressing. I did finish it, and passed it on to my mother, but I doubt I'll try this author again.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. This series got a lot of attention as well, and I wanted to find out if it was because of the quality of the work or the premature death of the author who had burst so unexpectedly and successfully on the literary scene. Turns out it was the work. Although the subject matter is somewhat disturbing and grisly, the book is a lovely tapestry of stories and characters that comes together in a fabulous finale of justice. I liked it. I'm starting the second in the series, The Girl Who Played with Fire now.

So those are the books that have made an impression on me in the last couple of months. Hope you find a couple on this list that you want to read (or avoid, as the case may be.)

Some days...

2011-06-13T18:53:00.000-07:00

I spent a couple of hours the other day making these. Because some days this is how I feel. Especially in the summertime. (I was inspired by some similar drawings that were available on t-shirts, but it looks like the company went out of business about 3 years ago. I hope there is no copyright infringement, because I thought they were funny, and I went ahead and made my own.)

Quote of the whatever.

2011-05-07T19:14:00.000-07:00

"...computer users could be divided into digital immigrants (those of us who were trying to catch up) and digital natives (younger people seemingly born hardwired for the new technologies, or maybe it's just that they've studied computers in school). With the exception of a few very young, edgy-looking women, most of us in the room counted as immigrants - me and the silver-haired librarians. In spite of our best efforts, we were never going to master this language that those born after about 1980 speak so fluently. We could learn the lingo and tools of the digital age, but we would always have a thick accent when we spoke." (This Book is Overdue!: How Librarians and Cybrarians Can Save Us All, by Marilyn Johnson.)

So true. So true.

What I've been reading

2011-05-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

Just finished a series I would recommend. I found myself very engaged, and read the entire trilogy in a week. (Granted, it was during the week after I had surgery, so I had a lot of time for reading.) The Sevenwaters Trilogy, by Juliet Marillier, including Daughter of the Forest (a beautiful retelling of the Celtic swans myth), Son of the Shadows, and Child of the Prophecy. They reminded me of Shannon Hale's Bayern series and Megan Whalen Turner's Thief of Attolia series, only for grown-ups, as there is a little more reference to sex (but not in any gratuitous or offensive way.) If you enjoy that type of fantasy, you will enjoy these books. I found out as I was poking around on the Internet today that Ms. Marillier wrote a couple of stand-alone follow-ups to the series, Heir to Sevenwaters (2008), and Seer of Sevenwaters (2011). These, of course, will be next on my reading list, but I always worry when authors finish a story and then come back to it years later. Often this doesn't seem to work out well. I'll let you know.

Refer to...

2011-05-03T08:49:00.001-07:00

Posted a little entry over at Morning, Noon and Night.

Rambling

2011-04-19T06:45:00.000-07:00

I watched a documentary last night about James Christensen, the LDS artist. I find his work engaging, but a little strange. Fantastic, in it's true definition, I think. But I also saw how much of an influence the European masters had on his work. Some of it is quite traditionally beautiful, which I like. I enjoyed the program (on BYUtv) because I got to see a lot of his work, as well as getting some commentary from the artist (and others) to explain the themes. Many of his pieces really touch me. My favorite is "The Widow's Mite," but there are many others I didn't realize I liked until I saw the show. (I recommend this program if you have time to watch it.)

The thing that touched me most about the show, though, was something Mr. Christensen said when he was talking about reading The Lord of the Rings in college. He said,

"I wept when I was finished because I could never read it for the first time again."

Wow. That's exactly how great literature should feel. I wonder if I ever felt this way. I do recall feeling sad as I finished books that I liked, because they were over. I think that may have been some of the same emotion, but I failed to recognize it in the same way. Alternatively, though, there is great joy in becoming familiar with a piece of literature, as well. There are books that are like old friends, books that I love to read them again and again, because they move me and comfort me and have a wonderful familiarity. In my mind, a relationship with books is like a romantic relationship. First there is a thrill of discovery and an excitement of something new. A lust, if you will, that fades as familiarity increases. But with that familiarity comes a comfort, a closeness that you can never have when the relationship is new. With my husband, sometimes I miss that thrill, that emotional flush of first falling in love, the tingling excitement of exploring untried intimacy. But I would never trade it for the solicitude, the mature passion, the depth of emotion that comes with a relationship that has had time to truly flower. There is a poem by Carol Lynn Pearson that speaks to this dichotomy.

Spring Is Only for Beginnings

Our love
Was a blossom,
Full and faultless
On the tree.
But when the petals
Began to fall,
All
You could see
Were the sad
Leaves scattered
On the ground.

You did not
Think to watch
For autumn
When the fruit
Is found.

There is value and pleasure on both sides, new and old. But you can't have them both at the same time. You have to give up the one to get to the other. Everything in it's time, I guess. A lesson for life.

So. Art, literature, relationships, and poetry all in one blog - I've run the gamut. Definitely a ramble. Thanks for sharing it with me.

Blog 2x per week?

2011-04-18T11:56:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I just don't feel like saying anything.

The OCD spectrum: More fun than the color wheel.

2011-04-11T04:52:00.001-07:00

I'm a list maker. Love to make lists. They help me function. They help me think. So the other night in bed, I started making a list of my OCD quirks. I believe that OCD works on a spectrum, like autism. In autism you can go from the mildest Asperger's Syndrome on down to non-functioning, full-blown autism. Well, in my humble, non-medical, never really researched opinion, OCD is the same. There are those with a few little quirks, like me (over on the lovely red, perhaps slightly orange, side of the spectrum), and there are those who cannot function in society because of their compulsions (way down in the nasty purple end of things.) Somewhere in the middle but a little more towards the blues are those people who could be on the A&E show, Obsessed. I saw that show several times. It freaked me out a little. There but for the grace of God, you know? Here is a little list of my OCD issues:

I only like to sleep on my own pillow case. Even after laundering. I label mine and Russ' so they don't get mixed up. Hey, keep your body oil and your dead skin cells to yourself, right? I will wash my sheets if anyone else sleeps in them. Even my kids.
Same with bathroom towels. I have my own color, and no one gets to use them but me.
My toothbrush is not allowed to fraternize with anyone else's. If they touch, it's gross. Russ must keep his tooth cleaning items in his very own cabinet. (Yes, I realize we have committed the act of making children together, with all it's attendant bodily fluid swapping. Different brain compartment altogether.)
Animal fat is gross. But I can touch it if I'm cooking so long as I wash my hands about 10 times while dealing with it.
I will not milk the cow. Unless my husband is dying. And now that Aubrey knows how, not even then. Cow udders freak me out a little. OK, a lot.
The volume on the TV is best when it's set at a number divisible by 5.
My closets are fairly well-organized. Shoes must snuggle up only to their mates. Clothes are hung in a logical order (sweatshirts, long-sleeved exercise shirts, short-sleeved exercise shirts, short-sleeved casual shirts, long-sleeved casual shirts, dressy shirts [long- and short-sleeved together], skirts, dresses, and not-currently-worn-things at the end.) But, they are not color coordinated within their categories. See? I'm totally in control.
Finally, I make lists. Lists are how I control the world. If I put it on a list, I can deal with it. When I don't use lists, I find I get stressed very easily. You see, if I forget an item that's written on a list, I can blame myself - faulty memory, whatever. But if it's not on a list and I forget it, the world is out of control and I have no power. So I make lists. Make sense?

Turns out my list is not nearly so long as I imagined it to be. Nor are the items particularly peculiar. Which is a comfort, because I worry about my kids. JR has issues with people touching his food, and he will not eat dairy unless it's pasteurized. And even then, he won't touch butter. Or plain milk. But he will touch dirt, and his room often looks like a tornado went through. So he's probably a lot like his mom. A little quirky, but far to the left of any problem amount of OCD. What a relief.

Goals and failure.

2011-04-09T18:57:00.000-07:00

So each year I make myself and the kids a bookmark with yearly goals on it. Things we want to end the year doing better, or not doing at all, whatever. My bookmark has a few general goals for the whole year, and then a new goal for each month that I only have to accomplish for that month. I figure that gives me time to establish a habit if I want, but if it doesn't work out for whatever reason, I can leave it behind and not feel guilty about failing for the rest of the year. Make sense? So my goal for the month of April as to blog twice a week. Hmmmm. I'm obviously having a hard time with that one. There is a lot going on in my life, but I don't feel like typing it up. I'm not sure if I'm just lazy, or if life is frustrating me so much I just don't feel like sharing. Both, I think. I do have another blog these days, Morning, Noon and Night, which is just a repository for recipes. But if I count the entries on that blog (which I am definitely going to do), then I've kept my goal. However, I do want to keep up on this blog as well, so I'll do a quick recap of life these days.

Aubrey has decided she wants to try home school, so we pulled her out of school and have had her at home for a week now. She's a teenage girl, which means every action must be accompanied by much drama, either in the form of childlike (childish?) enthusiasm for things she likes, or conversely, sighs and pouting (tears even, occasionally) for things she considers horrendously burdensome. She does seem to be getting the work done faster than she would at school, but I do wonder how thoroughly she is learning the subject matter. It remains to be seen how well home schooling serves her. I know it's giving me plenty of opportunity to practice those patience muscles.

Due to some female-type issues (regarding which I will be happy to give you details if you ask me in person), it looks like I will be planning a major surgery within the next month or so. Yes, that major, female-related surgery. The issues and subsequent surgery plans have put a little dent in my fitness efforts. I've gained back quite a bit of the weight that I lost over the last few years. This causes me much stress, as well as the psychological baggage that comes with giving up such a huge part of my identity. I really will be glad to put things behind me and get back into the swing of things again. I want to do some serious running and biking. Soon...soon.

Not to mention (stupid phrase, because hey, I'm going to mention it), my birthday is this month. Yep. 42 years old. Most days this doesn't bother me at all. But there are some days it scares me. Not because I'm getting old, per se, but because it means everything is going to change. My baby will go to kindergarten next year, and I'll have to look at being a different person than "mom of little kids." I like who I am. I don't know if I want to be that older lady, "mom with kids all at school." And that's another step on the path to "mom of grown-ups," which is a place that really scares me. I am happy. I love my life. Maybe I won't love my future life as much as I love my present life. How sad would that be? Always remembering the good old days when I was truly happy? Scares me.

So, I think these are the reasons I yell at my kids too much these days. And why I don't blog. So there.

In which the center of the universe wakes up.

2011-03-28T06:35:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting at the computer this morning, getting ready for the day. Check the i-cal for appointments, check facebook for events, make a list on a post-it pad here. In my poking around online I find an album from which the proceeds go to support relief efforts in Japan. $9.99 for 38 songs. What a deal! I like the artists and it's only 10 bucks so I buy it and begin to listen to the songs. Nice. Good deal for me. (Pat self on the back.) Back to my to-do list. Only now I'm thinking about my counterpart in Japan, the mom, trying to decide what to do today. It strikes me how different our lists are. Mine includes things like this:
-Gym
-Copy of birth certificate to school
-Drop off dry cleaning
-Library
-Pray that little tickle in my throat doesn't get worse

Hers might include things like this:
-Find food
-Find uncontaminated drinking water
-Don't lose place at shelter
-See if missing relatives have been found yet
-Pray that they are not dead

It makes me weep. Literally weep. (I'm glad I keep tissues in the office.) Although I'm glad I found the great deal album with 38 songs for only $9.99, I am embarrassed that I haven't done more. Ashamed. If my biggest worries include the $25 fee for an immunization waiver for Sarah and what to serve with the smoked salmon this weekend, then I am truly blessed and have a great obligation to be more helpful. And I'm a great believer in the idea that guilt and shame are useful emotions, so I am going to make this week be about helping where I can. Not just Japan, but wherever I can. Pinch the pennies a bit more and donate financially, as well as work on putting together some hygiene kits for the church. I bet they have sent out quite a few in the 3 years since I last donated. Time to step up to the plate. It's definitely my turn. After all, I just got 38 songs for $9.99.

Rainbows galore

2011-03-27T08:46:00.000-07:00

"The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears" - John Vance Cheney
Oh, we got your rainbows right here. Plenty of rainbows. Oodles. We must have at least 5 rainbows a day around here. Sometimes we catch them on film. Enjoy.

Another runner?

2011-03-26T10:59:00.001-07:00

My little Elizabeth, who at 9 years old really isn't so little anymore, ran her first marathon today. Well, let me clarify - she finished her first marathon today. Her school, Hurricane Elementary, has a fun program where the kids run a mile once a month during lunch to earn a treat. In conjunction with this fitness program, this year they organized a program wherein the kids ran more laps during recess and worked their way up to 25 miles. Then, on the day of the Sand Hollow Marathon, they came and ran the last 1.2 miles of the marathon, crossing a finish line at about the same time as some of the real marathon runners. Cool, right? Katie wasn't interested, but Lizzie worked hard to get all her miles and we went down this morning and ran the last mile together. In spite of the constant cold drizzle, I think it was a great thing, very encouraging to the kids. I hope this experience has instilled an interest in competitive and recreational running in my little girl, and in the other kids as well. The whole experience was very fun, and I give kudos to those who put so much effort into making sure it came together, especially our friend Liz Dansie. Great work, everyone!! We are definitely looking forward to next year.

Singing time

2011-03-06T08:34:00.000-08:00

My calling in my ward is the Primary Chorister, which essentially means I engage the children in learning about the gospel through song. Some singing time plans come together easily, while some never quite seem to gel. Today we start a month of talking about prophets, so I made a matching game for the kids with photos of prophets from youth or childhood. I am hopeful that this will spark the kids' interest and keep them engaged. I'll have them take turns matching the photos, and if they get one right we'll sing a corresponding song about prophets. I just wanted to share the photos I found of 6 prophets. Some of them are quite fun. See if you can guess them. The answers are at the bottom of the post.

1.

2.
3.

4.
5.
6.
1. Thomas S. Monson
2. Gordon B. Hinckley
3. Ezra Taft Benson
4. Howard W. Hunter
5. Spencer W. Kimball
6. David O. McKay

Butter...better.

2011-03-05T14:52:00.000-08:00

I just got finished making butter and thought I'd share a little trick we use at our house. And no, I did not take my own photos because I never take photos until the event/procedure is over, due to a recurring memory disorder I apparently suffer from. And let's face it: final results of butter look like, well, butter. Nothing unique to see there. Back to the subject at hand. You all probably know that we have a cow, and that we milk said cow, thereby giving ourselves lots of milk and cream to use and a killer morning schedule. There is only so much one can do with fresh cream, so we use quite a large percentage of ours to make butter. Making butter is pretty basic - whip it up in the blender or stand mixer until the butterfat separates from the buttermilk, then press the rest of the buttermilk out by hand. You are left with beautiful, yellow butter, which is delicious. But, it tends to spoil quickly left at room temperature (because I can never get all of the buttermilk out and that little bit of buttermilk left in it goes sour), and it is impossible to spread if you keep it in the fridge. So we have devised a clever solution. After I have churned and pressed the butter, I whip it up with the hand mixer, adding salt to taste and a bit of olive oil. I would guess I use about 1/4 - 1/3 cup of olive oil per pound of butter. When that is all whipped together, then I can store it in the fridge and still spread it on bread, etc., without committing Wonderacide (the act of slaughtering a piece of bread by attempting to spread it with cold butter.) This has worked quite nicely for us. The little taste of olive oil is not unpleasant at all, if you notice it (which I don't), and it still is one of the healthiest spreads you can find, as opposed to those nasty "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter"-type spreads. (Megan Mullally, you should be ashamed of yourself.) This trick would work just as well with store-bought butter, in case you happen to not have a cow. Just warm the butter to room temp, whip in some olive oil, then repackage in whatever nifty plastic containers you have on hand. Enjoy.

Chuck? I used to have a crush on Chuck.

2011-02-22T16:10:00.000-08:00

Let's play the old household management game we all love to play - "Chuck 'em or Keep 'em?" This is actually a serious internal debate I've been waging the last several weeks. My old laundry baskets were in need of replacement because there were broken spots in the handles and sides that pinched my hands when I carried them. The bodies of the baskets are still in pretty good shape (i.e. the mesh sides are not broken and the bottoms are intact.) So I purchased new baskets. 7 of them, because we do a lot of laundry at our house. (It probably would be more accurate to say that a lot of laundry gets washed and dried between foldings at our house.) Now I have all new baskets in the laundry room, and these 6 old baskets. So here's the dilemma; What do I do with the old baskets? Do I keep them? They still have a lot of wear in them, just not as laundry baskets. I don't want to throw them away because I can think of several realistic scenarios in which I would use them. Gathering apples from Grandma's lawn. Harvesting muddy vegetables from the garden. Hauling jugs of apple juice at juicing time. But I feasibly could use my new baskets for those things, I would just have to wash them out well before using them for laundry again. Then there's the second option; Do I throw them away? Because keeping the old baskets necessitates STORING them. They'll be taking up space in my house, which is a state of affairs I am trying to eliminate at this point in my life. I mean, how many egg cartons and plastic mushroom containers can a person realistically plan on using at preschool craft day? Not that many. I have been purging like crazy the last couple of weeks. I haven't had trouble getting rid of a bunch of cardboard boxes, or the 2 old DishNetwork receivers, or the computer that my son killed last fall. But the question of the laundry baskets actually has me all in a mental dither. It's kind of a variation of Murphy's law. If I throw them away, I'll need them, but if I keep them, I never will. A lose-lose situation.
(I actually think I came up with a solution today. I'll keep them, but store them out in the back of my husband's shed. That way it's almost like I threw them away, but not quite. Russ will be so pleased.)

Funny Kids

2011-02-20T09:19:00.000-08:00

2 of my girls were lying in the tub this morning. Elizabeth - "Look. My stomach is an island." Sarah (long pause) - "My stomach is in Ireland, too."

What I've been reading

2011-02-19T07:49:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I blogged about what I've been reading. You all may have wondered if I had stopped reading entirely. Perish the thought! I have simply found a series I like. And you know me, once I start something, I can get pretty intense about it. I started the Dresden Files series by Jim Butcher. 15 books in the series. So I've been reading pretty seriously for the last 8 weeks, and gotten about 2/3 of the way through. I quite like them. This is my first serious foray into the fantasy genre, and I'm enjoying it. I've read fantasy written for youth before- Harry Potter, the Artemis Fowl series, the Fablehaven series, etc., but I've never really looked much at the same genre for adults. It's been fun to immerse myself in a world of wizards and faeries, demons and vampires, archangels and knights. And it has been very interesting to watch the author grow in writing ability over the course of the series. He started out a better writer than I, of course, but kind of rough and a little unfocused. But now, 10 books later, he's good. Very good. Funny, precise, well-fleshed and well-nuanced. I'll be sad when I reach the end of the series and have to start waiting for each new installment. Thank goodness Mr. Butcher has another series he has been writing, the Codex Alexa. The well is not dry quite yet.
Jump on in.
The water's fine.

Would I?

2011-02-18T16:29:00.000-08:00

So this whole Brown thing has really got me to thinking. Many emotions have been running through me, from sympathy for the Brown girls to outrage at their father's actions to disgust with the world in general. But I keep wondering about one thing in particular. The question on my mind is this:

Do you leave your husband if he turns out to be a pedophile?

My knee jerk reaction is absolutely. Do you even have to ask? There are very few crimes worse than sexual abuse of a child, and it would be impossible to live with someone who has committed it. Right? That would be like condoning the behavior, somehow. It just seems obvious. If he diddles little kids, you dump his butt. Period. This is an opinion I have had since I have been old enough to know what these things mean. I never even thought about it at all.

So now I'm looking at the Browns. He's a pedophile. Convicted as of today. Sex Offender Registry, here he comes. So far, though, Mrs. Brown hasn't left her husband. She's had to have known about this abuse for quite a while now, if not for years. But she's still living with him, still going out to dinner with him, still doing "married" things. Come to think of it, I can recall many stories of men discovered to be child sexual abusers, and I don't recall hearing about how all their wives left them immediately. Why not? How on earth do you stay? The attitudes of my past instinctively make me more than a little critical of these women. Of Mrs. Brown. And now that the situation has come up, I find myself examining my feelings about this issue, my feelings towards these women. I'm a lot older than I used to be, and I might be a bit wiser. I'm definitely a lot more world weary. I see so much more gray in the world than I ever used to. And I wonder, do you leave your husband if it turns out he is a pedophile? After careful consideration, my answer is: "Not necessarily."

My reasoning, jumbled and incomplete though it is, is thus:

In our culture (LDS culture), we claim to place a high value on marriage, and we should, in my opinion. Marriage is such an important building block of society, and also such a personally risky endeavor that we must do all we can as a society to ensure success. Study after study show that children are healthier, happier, wealthier, better adjusted, and more likely to succeed when they are raised in a stable, two-parent home. So the marriage agreement is viewed as a covenant, as one of the highest moral and social obligations we have. We agree to love, honor, etc., until DEATH DO US PART (even longer in the LDS temple ceremony.) There are very few acceptable reasons for dissolving a marriage.

Do you leave your spouse if he/she gets cancer? Or Lupus? We as a society are pretty critical of those who would do so. How about if your spouse suffers a traumatic brain injury (TBI) that renders them disabled, perhaps helpless? Do we get to leave them in that scenario? What if a TBI leaves them with no lasting physical impairment, but significantly alters their personality or mental acumen? I personally know of a case where a husband received a brain injury in a car accident soon after marriage which resulted in a marked drop in IQ. His wife felt she was committed and stayed with him, raising a family of 3 children. They are still together, despite the fact that he is a different person than she married. That's commitment for you. So....(you can see the train of though rumbling along here, right?)...is pedophilia a disease, a condition? Can a person control whether they "have" it? If they cannot, how do you leave them? I guess your personal opinion of the origins of pedophilia would have great significance here.

The next consideration would be how much damage a pedophile could do if he lived in your home. If you have a child whom the pedophile has already abused, I don't think there could be any defense for keeping the abuser in the home. You would effectively be choosing the abuser over the child. It would be tantamount telling that child every day that they have no value, they are worthless. Not acceptable, in my book. I've seen the damage that comes from a mother choosing her adult relationship over her child's well-being and safety. Serious emotional trauma. But what if the children in the home haven't been abused? If you have little ones who have not entered into the age of attraction for the abuser, you would be taking a serious risk by staying married. That risk could feasibly be mitigated. If you were a stay-at-home mom, and your husband worked outside the home, and you had a strong network of friends and family to depend on, you could reasonably schedule thing so that the abuser is NEVER alone with the kids. It could be done. But it would be difficult. It would be like being a single parent, without any time off, never a break from vigilance. I don't think I could do it. There also might be legal repercussions to allowing your children to be under the same roof as a known pedophile, even if you made sure they were always adequately chaperoned. What if, however, your children were grown and gone, and there was no chance of abuse in the home? Might it not be better for everyone if you were to stay married? You could serve as a sort of guard for any children your spouse might come in contact with. You could be helpful in the therapy and treatment of the condition, or at least in preventing future incidences. (Studies indicate there is no cure. Once a pedophile, always a pedophile.) You could stand by your marriage covenants and provide a help to society at the same time.

Attitude should figure in here, as well. Is he ashamed, sorrowful, and willing to do whatever it takes to avoid any future abuse? Or is he likely to try everything he can to get through any safeguards you set up? How dependable has he been in the past about personal self-control? Do you believe he would try, and try very hard, to keep any more children from getting hurt?

After considering all these things, I can think of situations in which one would be morally justified in standing by the abuser, in staying married. There are even situations when I would consider one might be morally obligated to remain married (Although as I type this, I'm not so sure. Should you ever be obligated to stay married to a someone who abused the marriage trust so terribly?) So I will try to reign in my indignation at the women who stay with pedophiles and abusers. I have no right to judge their actions when I don't have all the information. I should really just thank God that I don't have to stand in their shoes.

Post Script: I should add one item that I neglected to address when I wrote this post, but which my cousin brought up in comments. If you, (whether as a spouse or not), know that someone is currently abusing anyone, and you don't do anything about it, you become every bit as guilty as the abuser. I firmly believe that. as does the legal system in this country.

Stick that in your ear

2011-02-16T08:17:00.000-08:00

I tried a new thing a couple of weeks ago when I felt like I was getting a cold. I had read this article on Dr. Mercola's website, and thought it sounded interesting, especially the last few paragraphs about treating head colds with hydrogen peroxide in the ear. I tried to do it to my little girls who were coming down with colds at my mom's over Christmas, but you know how things go on vacation. I wasn't very vigilant about treatment. I think I only dosed the girls once, and got distracted. Fast forward a few weeks and I felt a cold coming on, so I tried it on myself. Lo and behold, I shortly felt much better and the cold I felt coming on never came on. But, Russ felt the same way a few days later, didn't treat himself, and felt better the next day as well. So it could have been a mild virus. No proof there. But last Thursday I felt another cold coming on, so I did the same treatment. Same result. No cold. Russ got sick, too, but he got quite bad before he got better. I'm not totally convinced it works, but it is so easy and costs next to nothing. Even if it's just a placebo effect, I don't care. I still feel better, and that's the bottom line here. So next time I'm feeling a little under the weather, I'll be cuddling up with a bottle of hydrogen peroxide. Cozy, huh? If you try it, let me know how you feel about the results.

Little Update: Deodorants

2011-02-11T06:35:00.000-08:00

Many moons ago I decided to go antiperspirant free, and blogged about how terrible many of the deodorants that I tried were. (I did finally find one that seemed to work for me.) In the months between then and now, I have come to a conclusion. I believe that when you are switching from using an antiperspirant to not using one, any deodorant you use is going to suck. The reason for my thinking is this: When I was trying out deodorants I purchased several types, and being the frugal person that I am, I did not throw any of them away when they didn't seem to work. Since that time, I have had occasion to use several of them (grabbed the wrong stick, wanted a different scent, whatever) and they now seem to work at least as well as the one I hailed as the winner all those months ago. They didn't work then, but they work fine now. I found this curious. I believe that those first several weeks, even months, after quitting antiperspirants, your pits are going to be overly stinky because your body is finally able to excrete toxins and waste products that it has been forced to hold in for years. I imagine this is bound to be a chemically volatile process because, after all, we have been suppressing a natural bodily function in the name of vanity for most of our lives. It just can't be good. After a few months of allowing the body to sweat at will, though, eventually the buildup is gone and we begin to sweat just plain old regular sweat. At that point, the choice of deodorant becomes easier to make and we can better see what products will work best for us. So although I still stand by my first product recommendation, I freely admit that there are likely many others that will work equally well. You just gotta give them a fair chance by not passing judgment for a few months at least.

Back in the saddle...

2011-02-10T04:45:00.000-08:00

I hate my new toothpaste. The flavor is terrible and it doesn't suds up the way I like. I bought some Tom's of Maine, spearmint flavor. I've been reading The Good Guide, which I've decided to try to use more often to help me select items that are produced by companies that are socially and environmentally friendly, and that don't use actual poisons in their products. So the Good Guide tells me that Tom's of Maine toothpaste has a rating of 8.0, which is quite good. My old toothpaste has a rating of 5.8, because of a couple of questionable ingredients (titanium dioxide and saccharine) and because the company isn't as environmentally friendly or ethically sound as they might be. So I bought some Tom's of Maine toothpaste, and now I can feel better about my monetary contribution to humanity's future through a forward thinking company. But it tastes yucky.

And then there's Santa

2010-12-15T06:40:00.000-08:00

How do I not like Santa? Let me count the ways.

1- He's a myth, and yet the American public try as hard as thy can to convince our children that he's real. Movies and books and newspaper articles are dedicated to proving the truth of Santa Claus. Any one who doesn't "believe" is treated as a pariah, or at least a spoil-sport. But despite all the effort and rhetoric, guess what? He's not real. Why on earth would we lie to our children and pretend that he is? I think it undermines our children's faith in us when we spend a significant portion of our time trying to deceive them. "Yes, sweetheart, the tooth fairy will leave money under your pillow while you sleep. Yes, dear, the Easter Bunny will hide treats around the house for you to gather up. Of course Santa is real, honey, and if you're good he'll come down the chimney and leave you presents, and do the same for all the children in the world. Yes, my love, Jesus and God are real and love you very much. What? You've discovered the tooth fairy isn't real? Not the Easter Bunny, either? Nor Santa Claus? Well, Jesus and God are still real. Why don't you believe me?"

2- Santa bears little resemblance to the original inspiration of the story, unfortunately. The legend of Santa Claus probably has some noble origins, St. Basil of Caesarea and St. Nicolas of Myra. So tell you kids the story of the Bishop of Caesarea, who was born wealthy but gave all his possessions to the poor, or the Bishop of Myra who was noted for his generous donations to the poor, and especially for putting gold coins in the shoes of children. Tell the children how these man of God sacrificed to help those in need and serve the greater good. These are examples to emulate, and examples of Christ-like charity are rare enough in the world. But Santa as he is represented today bears little resemblance to those bishops of old. This Wikipedia article on Santa Claus provides some interesting reading on how the Santa we know today got to be who he is, and a great deal of the influences are not particularly uplifting at all. In a celebration that should be about Christ and his birth, Santa seems to me a very awkward and incongruous participant.

3- Santa provides a poor role model for giving. I've been told that Santa represents the spirit if giving, but if so, I don't think it's a very good representation. How do children learn to give from Santa's example? First of all, Santa is magic and never has to sacrifice to do his giving, so children do not learn the truth that giving requires some sacrifice, whether it be time, labor, or money. Secondly, their relationship with Santa is not a reciprocal relationship. They do not give to Santa to show their love for him, they just learn to ask and expect. You may say that kids are supposed to be good or else they'll get coal, but honestly, when was the last time you heard of a kid who didn't get presents because they didn't behave? In a gift exchange with family or friends, children learn to reciprocate the giving. With Santa, they only have to consider what they want, what they are going to receive. I think, in this sense, Santa simply represents the spirit of getting. Parents are the ones who actually do all the careful consideration of each child's wants and needs, the buying and storing, the wrapping and arranging, and so perhaps Santa represents the spirit of giving to them. I believe the spirit of giving is far better represented in a simple gift exchange within the family. That way children share in the entire process and learn how to give.

My proposal (and personal practice) is to eliminate Santa from the gift giving portion of Christmas. Let him be a mythical representation of giving that we visit occasionally during the Christmas season, not unlike "A Christmas Carol" or "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas." And then let us focus on the more certain example of giving that we should celebrate during the season - Christ.

Christmas according to Jennifer

2010-12-14T06:13:00.000-08:00

At the risk of offending everyone I know, I'm going to take a couple of blog entries to explain how I feel about certain Christmas traditions, and why. My point of view on this issue is really ever evolving. I don't feel the way I did 15 years ago, and I'll probably feel even differently in another 15 years. And I want to state up front here that I feel this way for me, not for you. You can do whatever makes your family strong and healthy and helps you please God and raise righteous children. After all is said and done, that's the ultimate goal, right? So, let the offending begin.

I love Christmas. It is a fabulous time of the year, an opportunity to get in touch with emotions and events we have a hard time accessing throughout the year just because life is so busy. I think having a celebration of Christ's birth is perfectly appropriate. I am glad for the chance to spend a little more time focusing on the events surrounding the Nativity, to look in earnest for opportunities for charity that I may miss in the hustle and bustle of daily life, to be able to show love in a little more abundance by giving gifts and remembrances to those I care about. I think it's a blessed time. However, I also think that many of the traditions we indulge in this time of year actually serve to pull us farther from Christ rather than bring us closer. Extensive gift giving is one of these practices, which I blogged about last year. This year, I'm focusing on other traditions.

When the Catholic Church was spreading Christianity across the whole of Europe, certain concessions were made, perhaps out of necessity. Groups of people, entire countries even, were converted, often by force. In an effort to keep those peoples compliant, Catholic leaders tried to allow for some of their traditions to remain. Pope Gregory I told his missionaries "not to stop such ancient pagan festivities, but to adapt then to the rites of the Church, only changing the reason for them from a heathen to a Christian impulse." (Arthur Weigall, Paganism in our Christianity, Kessinger Pub., 1928) Thus we have traditions that have endured: the Christmas tree, which is actually a remnant of tree worship; the hanging of holly and evergreens, descended from the ancient Roman custom of hanging holly to adorn the temples during Saturnalia (a midwinter festival celebrating Saturn, the god of agriculture); and mistletoe, which the druids of Britain believed held magical powers and protected against demons and spells. And of course there is the Santa Clause myth, loosely based on a fourth-century bishop in Turkey. (I'll share my view of Santa in my next blog entry. Won't that be fun?) These traditional trappings of Christmas, especially the tree and Santa, make up the majority of our focus during the Christmas season here in America. And yet, their origins are not Christian at all, and have nothing whatsoever to do with Christ. They existed before their practitioners ever heard of Christ, and only continue to exist as sort of a pap for people who couldn't let go of their old traditions because they were forced to become Christian and not because they experienced a true, heartfelt conversion.

Those of us who profess to be followers of Christ today are not in the same position as these ancient Europeans. If we truly believe in the Christ of the Bible, then we have undergone a heart change that compels us to follow the teachings of Christ because we have faith in him, because we truly believe in him, and not because we will be jailed if we don't. We should seek for truth wherever it exists, both inside and outside our respective religions. (And believe me, the LDS faith has not got the corner on truth in this world. Even if you believe we do have the true priesthood and the true ordinances, there are many people in the world, both past and present, who truly follow Christ, emulate him and strive for a truth-filled life, who are not LDS. Conversely, there are many latter-day saints who merely parrot the "truth" they see around them without ever trying to ascertain it veracity, and even those who go through the motions of conformity all the while embracing deception and sin in their hearts.) I believe when we seek for the truth, we can and should lay aside the traditions of our fathers that do not serve the truth and search for those traditions that truly allow the light of Christ to shine through them.

There are many holiday traditions that are based on Christ and the Nativity. The candy cane was invented purely as a tribute to Jesus Christ. Gifts were given by the wise men to the young Jesus and his family. A star shone in the sky to lead the wise men to Bethlehem. Christ himself is the light that leads our way. Our family tries to decorate with those symbols I can directly tie to Christ, and not those descended from other traditions. We decorate with nativities, with stars and candles and candy canes. We hang Christmas lights in the windows. We give gifts to each other, and to those we hold dear. As a family we try to find worthy causes to support with some of our family resources. These traditions are ones I can feel good about. I feel like they are pure, scripture-based, and not distorted by being drawn from other beginnings and then twisted to fit Christian precepts.

People have pointed out to me that modern prophets have not quibbled with these symbols, that Joseph Smith embraced the tradition of the Christmas tree, and that Temple Square is filled with these symbols throughout the holiday season. All true. And I would never presume to say that any of them are wrong. I would say, however, that prophets are not perfect, meaning that just because a prophet engages in an activity, that does not necessarily mean it is needful for our personal good, nor even that it is a perfectly good activity. I am certain that Christmas as it was celebrated in Joseph Smith's time differed strikingly from the month long hoopla-filled celebration we engage in today. And Temple Square is a missionary tool, bringing together LDS and non-LDS to celebrate. I will admit that these traditional symbols bring some people closer to the true meaning of Christmas. But I will add that I think they are not needed to achieve those ends, that we can (maybe should) find more direct ways to relate the reality of Christ and his miraculous birth, his eternal nature,and his admonitions of charity to our holiday celebrations.

So, in a nutshell, I'm searching for Christmas traditions to use in my family that allow for a clear view of Christ and his gospel. And I think that paring away the traditions that are not based directly in the scriptures will allow me to bring my family closer to Christ without compromising the beauty and joy of the Christmas season.

(Post-script - As I read this I realize it may sound a little bombastic, which I did not intend. I don't believe that Christmas traditions are salvation busters. I don't believe having a Christmas tree will keep you out of heaven, or that decorating with holly means you don't believe in Christ. I'm just expressing my view on how to live life a little closer to God. That's all.)

Pies. Yum.

2010-12-09T15:36:00.000-08:00

I had some friends over today to learn how to make pies. Somehow, over the years, I went from being a novice who looked to my peers for guidance on things domestic, to being the older, wiser, more experienced person in my circle of friends, the one who could feasibly lead a tutorial. At least as it pertains to pie crust. I don't mind at all. It was fun.
Here are the recipes I shared, my family's Pie Crust recipe, and my Grandma Beth's Cream
Pie recipe. Super good, the both of them.

Pie Crust

1 t. salt
3 c. flour
1 c. lard
Mix with pastry cutter or with hands. In separate bowl
combine...
1 t. vinegar
5 T. water
1 beaten egg
Mix well, then add all at once to dry ingredients. Mix with hands just until moist. Roll out into 2 pie shells or a bottom and top crust. For fruit or pumpkin pie, fill immediately and bake. For pre-baked crust (i.e. cream pies), place rolled dough in pie tin, prick well with fork, weight with pie weights or beans, and bake at 425 degrees for 10-12 minutes. Cool before filling.

Grandma Beth’s Cream Pie

3 c. milk
2 c. sugar
1/4 t. salt Boil. Add, premixed...

6 eggs - beaten
2 T. cornstarch dissolved in 3 T. milk
Cook until thick. Add...

2T. Knox gelatin dissolved in 8 T. milk (dissolve well).
Refrigerate overnight.

Whip 1 pt. whipping cream (unsweetened). Whip pie mix until smooth, then beat cream and pie mix together.

Banana Cream Pie - Layer pie mix and sliced bananas in pie
shell. Refrigerate until served. Top with sweetened
whipped cream.

Coconut Cream Pie - Mix with coconut and spoon into pie
shell. Refrigerate until served. Top with toasted coconut.

Baby boy.

2010-11-29T06:53:00.000-08:00

11 year-old Son: Mom, does my voice seem deeper?
Older (wiser?) Me: Not really, son.
11 year-old Son: Oh. Darn.

Youth is always in such a hurry to grow up. I remember the feeling. Now I wish for the opposite. One of these days (soon, too soon) his voice WILL be deeper. Then I'll wish I could turn back time for a little while, hug that sweet little boy again. I'd better hug him a lot now, right?

A thanksgiving.

2010-11-22T20:40:00.000-08:00

I just listened to our new neighbor talking to his cousin on the phone. I was leaving the house Russ has been working on next door, and in the darkness by the back door I heard the neighbor's voice clearly carrying through the side yard. I admit it, I eavesdropped. I do that kind of thing sometimes. I wouldn't go out of my way to listen (or peek, or snoop) but if it's right there in front of my eyes, so to speak, I gonna look. So, anyway, translating the words into socially acceptable parlance, the cousin has apparently has been begging to have his attitude adjusted but is just too timid to come around and have it done. My neighbor clearly invited his dear family member to come on up and have this wish fulfilled, along with his wife, who apparently bears some resemblance to a dog and should be leashed (yes, he actually said the leash part.) Mrs. Neighbor kept chiming in about how unfortunate it was that the relatives' maturity levels were needing some growth (in her humble opinion.) Ultimately, the cousin was informed that the house full of girls (plus Neighbor) could easily teach the lessons needing to be taught. At this point I left, having discovered that there really wasn't anything to be gained from this eavesdropping session. But it got me thinking about my own family and Thanksgiving.
A magazine I subscribe to, Real Simple, carries a column about social etiquette called Modern Manners. This month's issue addressed the following question, "How do you deal with hosting family members who aren't on speaking terms?" The answer was mostly the obvious and appropriate "speak to warring parties in advance" and "don't seat differing factions next to one another" types of advice, and concluded with the following,

And take some comfort in this: Someday, in a year or two or 20 from now, even the worst blowup will morph into a "wacky family" story. "Remember that time cousin Helen tossed the mixed nuts at Aunt Vina's head?"

So I started wracking my brain. Do I remember a time when cousin Whomever threw some dish at Aunt Whatshername? Nope. Can't say as I do. How about the time when Grandpa came to the family party drunk and got into a shouting match with Uncle Elmo? Again, nope. In fact, I don't even remember any time when we all had to walk on eggshells because someone wasn't speaking to somebody else. No "wacky family stories" about hate and violence. It seems that in my family everyone went out of their way to get along. Disagreements were short-lived or weren't brought to family gatherings. My family always seemed to be happy to see each other, to get along, to share warmth and love at the holiday parties and celebrations (wedding receptions, etc.) I literally cannot remember a time when anyone left in anger or refused to attend because they couldn't get along with the others. I also don't remember ever being in a situation where I threatened a cousin I would be happy to kick their butt. (Help me out here, Marisa. Do you remember any such situations? Do you, Amanda?) In fact, I have very fond memories of family get-togethers and parties. Sledding down the steep hill, a cliff really, behind Grandma Beth's house one Christmas when the snow was unusually deep. Singing carols in Aunt Alma's basement, which had the coolest bar, like a real bar. Cousin Susan, after a radical mastectomy, passing her breast forms around the group of women and joking about "boobs du jour." Uncle Wally and the big boys wrestling on the floor (Wally always seemed to win.) Kliener and shortbread and warm apple wassail. Good times.

As I listen to people talk about how they're going to "manage" their family at the holiday parties and dinners, I wonder how common my experience is. Probably not very. And I am so thankful. Thankful for a family that learned to get along despite differences (and I know there were some serious differences in religious and lifestyle choices.) Thankful for parents that kept us kids protected from family members that might engage in hurtful and destructive behavior. Thankful for aunts and uncles and cousins that loved all of us and were fun to be around. Thankful to have married into a family that seems to have the same traits. I truly have been blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Just a couple more.

2010-10-16T21:14:00.000-07:00

I read 2 books this week, both juvenile/young adult selections, which explains the speed with which I got through them. I started the Old Kingdom series by Garth Nix with the book Sabriel. It was a very intriguing book, but very full of magic, both good and dark. Sabriel, the title character, is the last line of defense between the world of the dead (or more accurately, the undead) and the world of the living. She's young and ill-prepared, but has both a strong heart and great courage. Some very good lessons here, but a rather dark world in which the story takes place, full of evil, violence and fear. Because of the dark tone, I'm not sure whether I would want my kids reading this quite yet, but I was glued to the book for most of the day. Second book on request at the library, so we'll see if the series continues to intrigue.

The second book, although still involving magic, is quite a fun retelling an old fairy tale. The Thirteenth Princess, by Diane Zahler, is the story of the twelve dancing princesses, with a twist. Very fun, and a good read even for the younger independent readers, provided they enjoy action, adventure, and beautiful princesses. My favorite part of the book came when the heroine, Zeta, is trying to read her sisters to sleep.

"'You've been reading too much,' I scolded her. 'I'll read to you tonight for a change.' I took up the nearest book and began reading the story of the Goose Girl, who held conversations with the head of her dead horse. It was a gruesome tale, but it's nastiness wasn't enough to keep my sisters awake. Before long, their gentle snores make me look up from a gilt-edged illustration of a horse's head, mounted on a wall, and I saw that all twelve of them were asleep."

How fun to have one children's book reference another relatively new children's book. I loved it. A very enjoyable read.

Funny Kids

2010-10-13T16:23:00.000-07:00

I was shopping with Sarah today and she pipes up and asks, "If I was sick, what parts of me do you have medicine for?" (I think she asked because I've told the kids in the past that there are some things I don't have medicine for, like upset tummies. Some stuff you just have to suffer through.) I laughed and told her I thought that perhaps that wasn't the best way to do things, finding out what medicine was available and then choosing your illness. She thought about this for a minute and then told me, "I think my hips are sick." Funny.

My mother, my self.

2010-10-06T17:04:00.000-07:00

Years ago I swore I would never, EVER have a leftovers container collection like my mom had. The bottom shelf of her cupboard was filled with assorted yogurt, sour cream, cottage cheese, and various and sundry other containers. They did not nest well, and therefor the entire cupboard was a little chaotic. The lids were almost as bad, although they were contained in a larger bowl. Finding a lid could be a challenge, because sometimes lids from different brands didn't fit the container you were trying to use. In that case you either had to just accept it (but loose lid = big mess when someone bumps it in the jostle of looking for something to eat) or find another container that fit the lid you found, in which case you had to transfer the food into the second container and re-wash the first. I eventually learned to find the lid before filling the container, but it still irritated me to no end. And can we just talk about finding something in the fridge? A dozen assorted cottage cheese/yogurt/sour cream containers, any of which might contain the leftover funeral potatoes you want (leftover gold at my house.) They might also contain the leftover creamed spinach experiment from last month, slimy and fungus-ridden. No way to tell. How much would it cost to have a nice, matching set of containers from some lovely name brand company like Tupperware or Rubbermaid? Containers that would all nest neatly, stack nicely, look neat and organized in the fridge as well as in the cupboard. Containers that actually allowed you to see the contents at a glance. They are not that expensive. Really. "This will not happen at my house," I swore to myself a million times, eying my mother's messy cupboard with a jaundiced eye. "Never."

So I grew up and moved out of my mother's house. For many years I didn't have a household, so no issues. In college I used roommates dishes and contributed some of my own. Plastic containers were indeed plentiful and cheap. The few I had matched. In NYC, I had no kitchen whatsoever, so no problem. When I moved to St. George, I used the Tupperware my grandmother had in the trailer. I rarely had leftovers anyway, so I don't remember it being an issue. When I got married we were given some rather nice sets and we have used those for many years. But they are slowly falling apart and going by the wayside. The time had come to put my money where my mouth was, lo those many years ago. But I've learned a thing or two in the intervening years. One: There are many places for the money to go each month. Worthy places, like soccer, and Barbies, and food. It's hard to turn down a free source of containers so that I can spend money on containers that nest. Two: We are a society drowning in plastic refuse. Our landfills are full of it, and will be for thousands of years to come. Our oceans contain vast swaths of plastic, floating lifeless islands of the stuff. I cannot in good conscience throw plastic containers in the trash while going to Target and purchasing plastic containers that match. I will not contribute to the destruction of my budget nor my earth by demanding the production of more plastic to satisfy my vanity. Surprisingly, it is way too expensive. Really. I have invested some money into a couple of sets of nice glass containers for things I know I will be warming up in the microwave, but for the most part, I have a leftovers container collection worthy of my mother. Yogurt and sour cream containers fight for space alongside the various and sundry others that have come my way, some brand name, some not, but almost all second-hand one way or another. And I feel great about it. I find myself a little frustrated at times, that little OCD corner of my brain rearing it's ugly head, but I wait until it passes. It always does.

Just another thing about which my mother was right. And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

What I've been reading...for a long time.

2010-10-06T06:08:00.000-07:00

All right, it's about time. I keep thinking I need to blog all the books I've been reading, but I've been too busy reading to blog about reading. I've decided that's not a bad thing after all. Except for the part where I want to share these books with you and it takes me a very long blog full of very short reviews. So here goes.

I took a couple of books on vacation to CA with me. At a suggestion of my cousin, Michelle, I read A Map of the World by Jane Hamilton. I had dreamt of a child drowning, and she mentioned this book, which is about the aftermath of an accidental drowning of a child in the protagonist's care. The book was poignant and upsetting, yet to me, vaguely unfulfilling. I was given a glimpse into the psyche of the protagonist and her husband, very ordinary people in extra-ordinary circumstances. I never really felt connected to the main characters, so I sympathized with them (especially in regards to the horrible emotions associated with the drowning) but I never really empathized with them. I felt like I was reading their story looking through a distorted window. I could see the actions and emotional journey of the characters, but I never felt I had a clear picture of them. They always felt fuzzy and indistinct. I think the writing was so full of description that the prose distracted from the continuity rather than clarifying.

The other book I took on my vacation was far more fun for me. Bitten: True Medical Stories of Bites and Stings, by Pamela Nagami, is more my cup of tea. This book is sort of a compendium of all the creatures that can kill you with a bite (usually through envenomation, although there are a few chapters about bites that can kill by becoming infected.) I found it fascinating. For example, I didn't know that cone snails were extremely venomous, nor that tick bites can be harmful beyond Lyme disease and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. True stories, medical sleuthing, animal information... I love this stuff.

The next book I began turned out to be one of a rare breed for me - that is, a book I intend to purchase after having read it. It's called The Story of Stuff, by Annie Leonard. If you are familiar with Ms. Leonard's Internet film, The Story of Stuff, then you already know what this is about. The subtitle of the book tells it all, "How our obsession with stuff is trashing the planet, our communities, and our health - and a vision for change." As I said at the top, no long reviews here. I'll just say please read this book. I think everyone should. When my copy finally comes in the mail, I will be reading it to my husband. He doesn't read very often (too busy) but he loves to listen to me read to him. I get to choose the books, and I will choose this one. It's that important.

The final installment of The Hunger Games series, Mockingjay, came out. I read it. I loved it. My friend gave an excellent review here, and I will defer to her. I would recommend The Hunger Games series to you, if you are an adult. If you have kids that want to read it, you may want to review it to decide when they are old enough. The books contain violence and some mature themes regarding government, war, revolution and sacrifice. A little parental discretion may be advised.

On the recommendation of the same friend whose review I linked above, I began a series she liked with the book The Thief, by Megan Whelan Turner. Then I had to go straight to the library and get the other three in the series, The Queen of Attolia, The King of Attolia, and A Conspiracy of Kings. Very enjoyable. In the young adult section when you go looking for them, and I highly recommend you do. My current literary crush is Eugenides. (I made the picture big because I loved these books so much. I may have to buy them as well.)

Moving down the list, I recently finished Burn, by Nevada Barr. Ms. Barr is my favorite action murder mystery writer. I have loved her series about heroine Anna Pigeon. Anna is a real person, and I mean real in that although she doesn't exist, she could. And you would never notice her. She's like an actual person whom you might meet on the street (or in the National Parks, as it were.) She's not Hollywood young, nor movie star good-looking; not rich, impressively witty nor savant-gifted in any way. She's just smart and perceptive and cautious. I like her. And I love the books. The latest one, Burn, is a mystery that involves child prostitution, though, and that made me incredibly sad as I read it. It's the only unlikeable thing about a great book. If you want to read this series (currently of 16), start at the beginning with The Track of the Cat. They can each stand alone, but you're going to want to read them all anyway, so why not start at the beginning? My personal favorites - Firestorm and Blind Descent.

Now to tell you what I am reading and enjoying now:

The Fallen Sky: An Intimate History of Shooting Stars, by Christopher Cokinos. The author (who, according to his jacket, lives along Blacksmith Fork River in Cache Valley. Hello!! I probably drive by his house every summer when I go up to the old stomping grounds! Anyway...) weaves a very interesting book out of scientific meteorite information and historical accounts of meteorite hunters/discoverers, with a little bit of Mr. Cokinos personal journey thrown in for flavor. I'm reading this one a little bit slowly, but savoring as I go.

The Secret Life of the Grown-up Brain: The Surprising Talents of the Middle-Aged Mind, by Barbara Strouch. Thank you, Barbara, for writing this book. I blogged recently about losing my mind. This book tells me I am, in fact, NOT losing my mind. I am just learning to think differently. Although it is true that the middle aged mind loses speed and agility with recall (as in names and facts), it is also true that as you age, the brain becomes far better at gathering information and them making correct choices based upon that information and years of experience. That's right, kids. You can remember people's names better than I can, but I am showing forth wisdom. Hear that? Wisdom. Over all, I will make better choices than I did 15 years ago. Thank you very much.

Spider Bones, by Kathy Reichs. The latest in her Temperence Brennan series. Tempe (as her friends call her - of which I am one, of course) is a forensic anthropologist who splits her time between Quebec, Canada, and her home state of North Carolina. Just like the author. Which I find truly amazing. This fascinating character is based upon a real life person who has the same skills, abilities, and experiences (except probably the death threats, etc. that follow the literary character as she figures out the mysteries. But the real life character is a New York Times best-selling author, so you get to pick which is cooler.) The books are very interesting and engaging, but you know that I love all things forensic. At least on paper.

In the bull pen: The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains, by Nicholas Carr.

So there's an accounting of many hours of my life. Hours that could (perhaps should) have been spent cleaning the house, balancing the checkbook, organizing the bedroom closet, or even landscaping the yard. Jobs that needed doing, and worthy causes all. I read instead. And I'm not sorry. Well, not very.

On the brighter side -

2010-09-16T06:55:00.000-07:00

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Albert Einstein

FROM A WRITER OF PLEASANT THINGS

You must forgive
This tendency of mine
To believe
The world holds
Something good,
Something fine.

The habit
Has troubled me
From childhood -
When I even
Preferred to
Build a snowman
Than to take
A romp through
The garbage can.

--Carol Lynn Pearson

And now for something completely different...

2010-09-13T21:12:00.000-07:00

Check out my guest blog over at Big Mama's place.

For Meg

2010-09-04T16:38:00.001-07:00

"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked."

--- Erich Segal

The eternal condition

2010-08-31T07:05:00.001-07:00

Today is the first day of preschool for my youngest. I am emotionally divided between excitement and guilt. The excitement is pretty easy to account for. I love to see my kids grow, venture out and explore, achieve milestones. I also admit to a great deal of pleasure at the prospect of a few hours a week to myself. On the other hand, this is my baby. The youngest. I have some trepidation about how well she will handle things, and it's hard to put my baby into the hands of others (stay-at-home-mom syndrome?) Mostly, though (and here's where the guilt comes in), I worry that my excitement is misplaced, and that soon I will realize that childhood has disappeared and I can never get it back. You know all the conventional wisdom about how much you will miss the little hand prints on the walls and being woken in the night to give hugs after a bad dream. What if it's true, and I should even now be filled with sorrow and regret? In essence, I feel guilty now because I might feel guilty later. Crazy. The thing is, all these emotions don't change the fact that I think this is the best thing for my little one, and so I'm going forward with it anyway. So wish us luck. First day of school!! (Sigh.)

Vacation photos - finally!

2010-08-30T13:34:00.001-07:00

Here are a few photos from our group family vacation to Redwood National Park in northern coastal California. After an eternal drive (18 hours - whew!) we made it to our campground and then headed out to see the ocean, and the big trees. The weather was damp and chilly with little sun for the weekend we were there, but everyone had plenty of fun.

The beach was fun, even on the grey day. My kids had never seen the ocean, and they were sufficiently impressed.

We made fun of the ubiquitous tsunami warning signs.

In the big, BIG trees.At the local zoo.
At the campground, excuse me, kampground. The mini golf was a big hit, and it kept the kids occupied for great lengths of time while the adults cooked, cleaned, etc.

Lastly, no camping trip is complete without a bevy of songs sung around a roaring campfire.
All in all, in spite of the long drive to and from, and an unfortunate trip to the instacare for a scalp laceration, it was a fun and very enjoyable trip. We are looking forward to our next family group vacation 2 years hence.

Epiphany

2010-08-29T17:54:00.000-07:00

I remember the day distinctly. I was 18, living away from home for the first time. A group of young singles from my ward in San Diego had gone to L.A. for a temple trip and we were staying at Michael Ericson's parents' house. As we all drifted in for breakfast from various couches and floors around the house, a discussion erupted comparing the virtues of butter versus cream cheese as the fat of choice on bagels. Most advocated for cream cheese, while an ardent few championed butter at the most delightful choice. I mostly just listened, as my frugal Utah upbringing occasioned very few bagels, not enough to really have an opinion. (I leaned toward cream cheese, though. To me, it seemed more exotic.) And then it happened. A moment to change a life. Someone (I don't even remember who) said, "Why not have both? They're really good that way."

What? Did I hear right? Both? An idea, a concept that was foreign to me, yet just waiting to be discovered. The aforementioned frugal Utah upbringing had taught me that I had to choose. Cream cheese or butter, chocolate or vanilla, ice water or punch, soup or salad, paper or plastic. Life is about choices, but in that moment I learned that as an adult, I didn't have to choose between. I could have both. Or neither, if I so desired. I was in control. The choice was up to me. And you know what? To this day I like to have butter AND cream cheese on my bagels. (And sometimes strawberry jam.)

Hanging Out

2010-08-28T19:40:00.000-07:00

I always wanted a hammock in my yard. It seems like such a nice thing, to be able to lay in the hammock, slowly swinging while reading a fluffy novel and listening to the laughter of my children at play. (Now that I am more experienced at life, I recognize that I would in actuality be tuning out the sound of children squabbling while swinging and reading away, but this realization diminishes the dream only a little.) This dream was so strong that when my sister, who served her mission in Paraguay, asked me what I wanted her to bring home to me, I told her to bring me a hammock. Not a stiff, K-Mart affair on a metal stand, but a colorful, hand-woven item just begging to be slung between 2 trees in the yard. And she came through, bringing me a blue and white hammock with "Paraguay" woven into the fringe. It's a pretty thing. I was very grateful and pleased. Next, I just needed 2 trees. She returned from her mission when JR was 3, so I've had the hammock in my possession, in an Argentinian grocery bag, for about 8 years now. We moved into our current home about 3 years ago, and I finally had my 2 trees. The only thing lacking then was gumption, which I finally found today. Fairly simple set-up, and a quick trial, and guess what? It's all I hoped it would be. It's comfortable, relaxing, and authentic. I love it! The kids love it, too. If you are ever in need of a place to rest, to read out of doors in the dappled sunlight while slowly swaying in the breeze (children's laughter NOT guaranteed), please feel free to come on over and borrow my little piece of heaven.

What was I talking about?

2010-08-24T14:55:00.000-07:00

Over the last few weeks, I've come to the realization that I'm losing my mind. Truly. As I've dealt with long summer vacation, getting the kids back to school, planning preschool for Sarah, and generally being very busy and scheduled, it has become apparent that I do not have the mental capacity that I used to, and it's scary. Now, I'm not losing my mind in the going mad, talking to myself and answering back sort of way. The TV does not transmit secret messages from the CIA, and there is no one out to get me. I think the one reality I have to deal with is plenty. And I'm not even referring to the swiss-cheese memory that shows up after the hormonal onslaught that is child-bearing (although I really do hate that.) No, the losing my mind that I'm referring to, the one I'm in the midst of is more of a "can't be relied on to remember a damn thing" kind of losing my mind.
I have always accepted that there is a certain amount of information that the human brain "loses" in a given day. I accept that. Very few of us humans can remember all the little details of the incredibly busy life that goes on around of. We cannot know as events occur which little pieces of information will be important later, so we use our experience to cull out what we judge to be the most important, and we discard the rest. Sometime our brains are wrong, and we forget something important. It happens to everybody. I really do accept that, and am the first to say don't be too hard on yourself. But this level of forgetting is a level at which I have never found myself before. It's very frustrating to me. I've always been one who could rely on her mental abilities to achieve pretty much anything I wanted. In my college days I could manage an hours-long, complicated stage production with relatively little trouble. But now, I can't remember something from one minute to the next.
Last Friday, for example, Elizabeth's Activity Day leader called to remind me that Liz had an activity that afternoon. 3 hours later, I sat in the family room and played board games with the girls and did not remember the activity until after dinner. Liz cried. I felt terrible.
The Primary leaders are writing the Primary program for sacrament meeting and wanted some responses from the children. We parents were gives a question to ask each child and requested to return the responses by the 15th. Did I remember? No. But even worse, when the counselor called to remind me last Sunday, I told her I'd get it to her that afternoon. Great day to do it, Sunday. I forgot until Tuesday.
And phone messages. Don't even get me started. If you tell me something to pass along to Russ or one of the children, you'd better hand me a paper and pencil at the same time, because I won't remember for at least a week, if then. There are post-it notepads all over the house for me to write notes to myself and others. After the note is written, I then have to find a prominent place to stick it. Bathroom mirror usually works the best.
I have used my iCalendar in the past, but really just in a casual way. I like to make lists to help me organize my thoughts. I've never really relied on either the calendar or the lists to get things done. I think writing the event down used to be enough to cement it in my mind. I like to feel organized, to be organized on paper, but then be free to follow or not follow my plans. I guess this is all about to change. I guess I will need to actually enter things into my calendar and then actually LOOK AT IT. Every day.
So I will apologize in advance to anybody that I will make an appointment with. Visiting teachers and teachees, doctors and dentists, playgroup moms and exercise partners. Please forgive me. I apologize to my fellow preschool-in-the-round moms, because I WILL forget to drop Sarah off, and worse yet, to pick her up - at least once. Again, please forgive me. It's nothing personal. I'm just too distracted ... looking for my mind.

Watch this space...

2010-08-06T18:27:00.000-07:00

So the background I formerly had was discontinued by the provider and I had to find another. This background is called "Calm Breezes." It doesn't look like it should be called "Calm Breezes" but I liked the look. I really liked the name, too. I haven't blogged in a month, what with having 5 kids home from school, building a wall around one of our properties, planning and executing a several thousand mile vacation to California, and generally being a mom.

But...

....all that is about to change. The winds of change are blowing, or should I say the "Calm Breezes" of change are blowing. School starts in less than a week, and I will have my life back. My organized, orderly life (which, although not the epitome of organization by any means, is far more organized than my summer life, which is the epitome of undisciplined.) Hallelujah!! And as I said on facebook a couple of days ago, if this joy, this giddiness, makes me a bad mom, so be it. I look forward to seeing you all again, to having time to put thoughts into words, and just to generally sharing whatever I feel like sharing. And to school being back in session. (Did I mention the kids are going back to school? Yes? Well, good.)

Love and Marriage (thoughts on a Thursday morning.)

2010-07-08T06:56:00.000-07:00

Marriage is about love like school is about knowledge. On the surface it seems obvious that it IS, but upon further reflection you realize that it really isn't at all. You can gain all the knowledge you are willing to work for (and some that just gets thrown in your face) outside of school. Some of the most intelligent people I know didn't go to very much school at all. School is about formality, about society, about showing you can play by the rules and having proof that you are indeed committed to a course of action and an outcome. School can be important, even vital, and I respect those who go to school to get a degree. They show a great deal of respect for self, for others, and for the rules that hold society together. Love and marriage seem the same to me. Love exists before, outside of, after, even during (if you're lucky) marriage. The heart can be extremely devoted without any outside institution granting "permission." Love might be the single biggest impetus for a marriage, but by no means should it be the only one. Marriage is about commitment, and ceremony, and living in a society. It's about legalities, and power of attorney, and asking the world to honor your commitment. Love can exist, even thrive without the formal institution of marriage, and good marriages can exist devoid of love (but they probably don't very often.) Yes, I think love and marriage (like knowledge and school) do not automatically involve each other at all. But with love and marriage, when you get the synergy of heartfelt devotion combined with social duty and responsibility, it can truly be an exquisite thing. Something to be striven for, in my opinion.

A fish story.

2010-07-04T18:28:00.000-07:00

Apparently I'd rather read than blog. Apparently I'd rather read than...anything.

2010-06-28T19:30:00.000-07:00

So I have a stack of books from the library I'm very interested in reading, plus all this regular work I have to do, like nourish and nurture the children and maintain an efficient, peaceful, organized home, right? I walk by the bookshelf last week and notice the set of four (yes, 4) books I picked up at a yard sale a few weeks ago. These are books I have read several times before, and I think to myself, "I'll just pick up this first one and revisit the first couple of chapters, just to reminisce about how much I love these books." Yeah, right. 3 books and 1762 pages later, my library books are still untouched, the Netflix movie I've had a week is still sitting there, and I'm fighting to stay awake during the day because I'm staying up too late reading. Ah well. Only one more book to go. I hope I'll revisit the real world in time to do the shopping and the laundry this week. But if I were you, I wouldn't hold my breath.
(I love these books, but I do not recommend them to everyone as there are some pretty graphic love scenes. If that sort of thing is easy for you to skip over, and if you like books with a great amount of detail, these may be the books for you. I still need to find the fifth installment in paperback.)

Who's the real idiot?

2010-06-15T07:39:00.001-07:00

I hate it when people in books act like idiots. And I don't mean making a mistake, or acting according to character flaws, etc. I mean when the author writes people acting like I don't think actual adults would really act. I especially hate it when it comes out of the blue, unexpected and extremely irritating. As a reader, what am I supposed to do? I can't talk to them and tell them to grow up. I can't quit reading the book, because that would be self-defeating. I have to just suck it up and keep reading, hoping that either there is some purpose or some motivation that I have missed, or that the idiocy will turn out to be only a minor flaw in the entirety of the story. And I was really liking this book, too. Stupid people. Stupid author. Ugh.

Simplicity.

2010-06-12T09:47:00.001-07:00

Unjustified

2010-06-07T13:48:00.000-07:00

Saturday evening my brother-in-law called and invited the girls to come over and go swimming. Russ and I were in the office and concurred that neither of us wanted to go, but someone should take the girls anyway. This someone is usually me, which is fine. I'm the mom. I get to stay at home, and that earns me a much freer schedule in some ways, but a more demanding one in others. One of the ways in which it is more demanding is that I'm always on call, 24/7. Russ had just spent the day planting corn, fixing sprinklers, weeding the back lot, and getting the little house rented. He leaves early in the morning, works as long as he can, and comes home tired. I stay at home and work all day, too, but my duties ebb and flow and are more re-arrangeable than his, so it usually falls to me to continue supervising the kids until bedtime. And I think I'm pretty happy with the system as it exists at our house. This particular evening, I was blogging, so when Russ got of the phone and we decided the kids should go swimming, he turned and finished his finances, and I finished my blog entry. When I shut off my computer, he was dressed in his swim stuff and was hollering at the kids to get ready. I was surprised. "I thought you didn't want to go." I said. "I don't," he replied, "But I think they need to go, so I'm going." Can I just tell you how mad I was? I was furious. Livid. How dare he? I mumbled something sarcastic about being sorry I finished my blog before I got ready, and then I just shut the bedroom door and let him go. I took a good hour to calm down, and I really began to wonder why I should be so insulted. If he had complained about my timing I would have told him that if he wanted things done according to his schedule, he was welcome to do them himself. Which is exactly what he did. And I was actually happy to not have to go. So why was I so mad? Was I irrational, or were his actions really insulting? I still can't decide. I guess I don't mind if he takes some of these duties on himself, but only if it's because he loves me or wants to give me a break, and not because he thinks I'm failing in some way. Anyway, I recovered my composure long before they got home, and we haven't spoken of it again, but I wonder. Which was it? And do I really want to know?

Corn...when did I eat corn?

2010-06-05T17:21:00.000-07:00

We planted a field full of corn today. Row by row, 2 seeds at a time. My neck got sunburned and I felt like a farmer's wife. The implement we used looked something like this image. You press the pointed end into the ground, then press the handles together, which opens up the end in the ground, making a hole. Then you drop the corn seeds down the length of the tool into the hole and you close the handles again and lift the tool out of the ground, Then, as you press the tool into the ground about a foot further down the row, you step on the previous hole to press the dirt down and cover the seeds well. So you do this about a hundred times in a row, for about 50 rows. It's hot and repetitive , but at least it's easy enough that you can visit and talk while you work. And when it's all done, it's actually pretty satisfying to look over the field full of neat little furrows that you planted and envision how it will look in a month or two. I am glad we only have to do it once a season, though.

A long day.

2010-06-04T12:45:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday Russell punished Katie and Liz for some infraction by assigning them to weed a 15'x20' unplanted (mostly bare) patch of our garden. Who knew this would turn out to be the most difficult task they have ever attempted in their lives?

8:45 - Girls are given their assignment and told to get started. They work diligently for approximately 4 minutes before beginning to throw dirt at each other and play together.
9:00 - I go outside to remind them to work. They work for 2 minutes before they wander over to the fence to watch the sheep next door. (Which I have to admit are very interesting, with little lambs and all.)
9:10 - I yell at them from the back porch to get back to work. They walk to the weeds and stand and look at me.
9:15 - Repeat of previous actions.
9:25 - Ditto.
9:30 - Upon finishing my indoor chores, I go out to help. I tell them to get out from under the peach tree and then offer to work with them as long as they work.
9:40 - I leave, because even with me working right next to them, they will not work. I tell them they cannot have a snack or lunch or any other food until they are done. If they start working right now they could be done in 30 minutes. I clean the driveway and back porch. They play.
11:30 - They realize that lunch is coming up soon and they are getting hungry. I think perhaps a corner will be turned. They pull a few weeds and then go back to watch the sheep. Oh, well.
12:30 - I remind them of lunch, but they seem uninterested. I tell them to stay in their little area, and they do...until I go inside again.
1:45 - Russell comes in and asks if I have gone into the empty house next door for anything. I haven't. They have found an unlocked door and been resting and playing in the empty house, although they are not there now. I check on them again. They are hanging things from the clothesline that crosses the weed patch. We lock the empty house.
2:00 - I am inside keeping the other kids busy, and I sit down on my bad for a minute or two. I fall asleep. After about 20 minutes I start to have bad dreams about everything that could go wrong out there with no one keeping an eye on them, so I get up and go out. Everything is fine. I should say, everything is the same as it has been all day. Girls playing, weeds thriving. I keep peeking out every so often to make sure they are alive.
3:45 - Russ and I go check on the progress. No girls. We see them in the back lot playing with something. Closer inspection is called for. They have found some old bottles of stucco dye that Russ's brother, Craig has left out there. The bottles hold about 8 oz. of vary dark dye that is the consistency of yogurt. Liz and Kate have uncapped about 6 or 7 of them and used fox tails as paintbrushes to paint the side of a big dump truck in the back lot. Of course they have managed to drip/smear a liberal amount of dye onto themselves: hands, faces, clothes, hair. We clean up what we can and march them over to Uncle Craig's to confess and apologize. They do so, to which Uncle Craig responds by telling them they've probably learned a lesson and would they like some strawberries? Thank you, Craig! That'll teach 'em! We allow them to pick the strawberries, but will not allow them to eat until....yep. Until the weeds are done.
4:15 - Back home, and I have had it. I sit on a lawn chair in the middle of the patch and point to weeds, individually and specifically, and demand their removal from the ground and deposit into the trash. The girls cry about how unfair everything is, but it takes us about 15 minutes using this method to finish the job.

15 minutes.

They have spent an entire day in the hot sun, getting yelled at by parents, not eating, not hiking to play in the river (which was one of the things I had planned for the day), and not going to the library (another plan). All for 15 minutes of work. That is so frustrating for me. I want them to learn to be self-motivated, and I believe the way to do it is to allow them some opportunities to reap the consequences of failure. Unfortunately we all have to miss out on the fun things as well when one or two children choose to fail. But I can think back and remember JR having the same kinds of days, and he eventually learned. He's much better than he used to be, so I have hope for the future. Of course, I still have children coming up. It's going to be a long haul. Let's just hope my sanity will stand by me until the end.

To quote the famous poet...

2010-06-02T06:46:00.000-07:00

It was Burns that said, "The best laid schemes o' mice an' men, Gang aft agley." Well, my best laid plans went awry last week when I went shopping at Costco and found a boxed set of the first 3 Percy Jackson and the Olympians books by Rick Riordan for only $10.99. That's less than $4 a book! I had no choice but to buy them. And then, of course, I had to read them. So all those lovely books I was planning on reading are still sitting in the "library books" section of my bookshelf, and 3 new paperback books each have a crease in their spine, but I feel so much better acquainted with Greek/Roman mythology. It was an enjoyable week. I am always slightly surprised when authors keep writing good, new books. Somewhere in the back of my brain is a little corner that believes all the good stuff is already written, that there cannot be anything really great being written because there are only so many ideas and combinations of words that can be strung together. Maybe it's the old fogey in me that wants to be sure the old days were the best days, or maybe it's the cynic in me that wants to believe that civilization is hurtling toward destruction and nothing good can be forthcoming. Whatever it is, I have a delicious sense of discovery every time I read a new series of books that I truly enjoy. And I enjoyed the Percy Jackson series, what I've read of it. (My name is on the library list for the last 2 installments in the series, but I'm sure they follow the entertaining pattern already set by Mr. Riordan.) Definitely recommend.

I need to say...

2010-05-29T19:08:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago someone I know and love put a video on their blog. It was a special comment by Kieth Olbermann about the "myth" of death panels. (If you watch it, don't forget to catch part 2.) If you recall, during the debate over health care, some supposed that there would be "death panels" created to determine whether or not a person was deserving of the expense of the medical care called for. Opinions about the possibility of these "death panels" were passionately expressed, including that of Mr. Olbermann. His father is in the hospital for an extended stay because of his health issues. A particular night stood out in Mr. Olbermann's memory wherein his father was in serious pain and distress. The concerned son and the physician consulted together and made some decisions about pain medication, etc. that eventually relieved the elder Mr. Olbermann's distress. This, says Mr. Olbermann, is what a death panel really is. Just concerned parties responsibly and jointly making decisions for the good of the patient. Far from the scary specter of a disinterested and distant collection of nameless faces dictating life or death. My fellow blogger posted it and expressed her agreement with his point of view, as his situation echoed her experience during the death of her mother from cancer. It is very hard to refute very emotionally-based expressions of opinion such as this. I heartily disagree with the idea of state mandated health care, and even more with a state-run, state-mandated health care system. Due to the highly emotional nature of this video, it had a serious impact on my thinking, and I have had it in the back of my mind for months, thinking about how the story told and the opinion expressed affected my own.

Starting a few months back, I have been observing a situation that developed with some friends of mine, and it stands in sharp contrast with Mr. Olbermann's experience. A friend's husband wasn't feeling well last December, went to the doctor, and was diagnosed with acute lymphoma. He's young, maybe thirty, self-employed, with a young family. Because of his employment situation, he qualified for Medicaid and went into treatment. He didn't respond to the chemotherapy and radiation as well as they would like, and his physicians recommended a bone marrow transplant. However, the board that reviews such things decided, based on his overall response to treatment, that his prognosis did not warrant the expense of said transplant. He was denied. Never mind his doctors recommendation. Never mind his determination to beat this disease. Never mind his family and their need for a father and husband. Even if treatment extended his life by only a year or two, think what that would mean to his 7 and 5-year-old. Another year or two is an eternity to these kids. Their memories of their father would be so much more clear if they could grow just a little bit older with him. Think what those few years would mean to the wife who is right now carrying his youngest child. Even a year would allow him to be present at the birth of his child, to share that experience with his family. What would you give for an extra year with your loved ones? Can you put a price on it? The odds were against his recovery, though, so Medicaid declined to cover the treatment. If he could pay for it himself, he was welcome to get the transplant, but with a $30,000 price tag, that was impossible. If he had private insurance (at least my insurance), the insurance would have had to pay. The contract requires them to pay for covered expenses based on doctor's recommendations. But not Medicaid. There is a faceless panel of persons somewhere looking at numbers and making life or death decisions for this family, and they decided his life was not worth the expense.

That, Mr. Olbermann, is a death panel. And that is what we fear.

Mr. Olbermann says his father has Medicare, like my friend, plus some supplemental insurance. They were both covered by the government, but if I had to guess which of the two above experiences would be more likely in a government-run health care system, I would say my friend's situation would be far more likely. We all know how efficient large government entities are, right? We've dealt with them. And therefore I say, emphatically, "No thank you!" I'm not interested. Let me be responsible for my family.

I do agree that change is needed in this country. First: Overhaul the insurance business to allow for freer access by the general public. Get the government out of the pockets of the insurance business and quit protecting insurance with endless regulations and controls. Allow more free-market competition into the business, because if there is a profit to be made from running an business well, someone will be there to make it. It is the stifling regulation that keeps insurance business free from innovative, efficient new-comers. Get the government OUT and allow the free market to dictate what kinds of insurance the people want. Government needs only ensure that contracts made are contracts honored. Second: Clean up the Medicare/Medicaid industry so there is a safety net available to those who, for whatever reason, cannot afford private health care. But it should be viewed as the unemployment system is viewed, as a temporary measure, something available when needed, but only for a short time, to help until one can take care of oneself again. Third: Allow those who are arrogant enough to ignore the need for insurance to fail. If you are gainfully employed and choose not to have insurance, that you should be forced to accept the consequences of that choice. Perhaps you will get cancer and subsequently not be able qualify for insurance because of that pre-existing condition. Then either you go without treatment, or you go bankrupt trying to pay for the treatment you couldn't afford. But that choice, that gamble, was yours. If insurance is affordable and readily available and you choose not to avail yourself of it, then I say too bad.

This post may well be moot at this time. We'll have to stand by and see how the pending lawsuit about the constitutionality of requiring citizens to have insurance coverage goes. The system as it stands is broken. It needs serious overhaul. But I honestly see the alternative that is being forced upon the American public as more frightening than what exists now. Please don't force me into a system that allows me no choice, that dictates not only what treatments I can receive, but also what treatments I cannot. Let me choose for myself. That's the freedom I want, and the freedom I am constitutionally guaranteed.

On a completely different note...

2010-05-28T13:26:00.000-07:00

Looking for images for the previous blog entry I happened across this image. Wow! Moms, please watch out how closely you guard the poisons in your home, because in our artificially colored world, kids can be so easily confused. This is the blog I found this image on. Looks like an interesting blog.

Summer treats

2010-05-28T11:59:00.000-07:00

We are concerned about our sugar intake here at the LeBaron household. Research indicates that refined sugar (whether in the form of table sugar or high fructose corn syrup) is terrible for your body, causing all sorts of problems from obesity and diabetes to depressing your immune system. This lecture is one that I feel is descriptive and accurate, albeit quite long, and I would advise anyone concerned about their nutritional well-being to watch it when you get a chance. That being said, it's hard to find drinks and treats for the summer that aren't loaded with sugar. Kool-aid, Capri Sun, soda, and commercial Popsicles are just sugar water. Even commercial juices like Juicy Juice and Capri Sun Naturals are not good, because the "juice" they use is highly refined and there is no fiber left. But water gets old pretty quick, and who wants "water-pops"? My husband, who works out in the heat most of every summer day wants to drink something that replaces the salts he loses in his sweat, but I don't want to buy him Gatorade, because of the sugar thing, as well as the cost. What's a mom to do?

I've done a little research and found a couple of alternative sweeteners that we use to help reduce our dependence on traditional sugar. The first item we use is powdered stevia. I use stevia to boost the sweetness of cooked items like oatmeal and farina, as well as in things like yogurt smoothies and our hot morning drink, Kafree Roma (no, not coffee.) Stevia does have a unique flavor that does not lend itself to being the only sweetener in an item. It's better as a supplemental sweetener because it has sort of a one-note flavor and it can be bitter if you get too much of it. But stevia helps me cut way down on the sugar content of things that we expect to be sweet. I usually buy it in 1 oz. jar, but a serving of 1/16 of a teaspoon is plenty to sweeten a cup of drink, so you don't have to use much at all. I usually use 1/8 to 1/4 teaspoon at a time. An ounce of powder lasts several months at our house.

The other product I have found is dextrose (which is also known as glucose.) You may know that glucose is half of the sweetness component of table sugar (sucrose.) The other half is fructose, which is really the bad guy in the entire sugar business. So when I found out that I could buy glucose by itself, I was very anxious to try it. I bought a 50lb. bag from Honeyville Grain online. It costs about twice as much as table sugar, and is not nearly as sweet, so you end up using more than you otherwise would. It is more of a powder, so it doesn't even act like sugar in recipes. I'm working on developing recipes that I can use the glucose/dextrose in, but it's taking me a while. You also have to bear in mind that dextrose/glucose is still a nutritionally empty food. It's still tons of calories without any nutritional benefit, so you still need to be sparing with it's use, but it's great for those times when you really need to have a sweetener. Like when your husband wants Gatorade.

Here is my recipe for homemade Gatorade, which we are calling Dexterade for now (I would like to come up with a better name. LeBaronade? Nah.) You can buy potassium chloride under the brand name Morton Salt Substitute. I buy it in an 8oz. bottle from NOW foods, in the supplements section.

Homemade Electrolyte Replacement Drink (Maybe Summerade?)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2 pkg. Kool-aid mix (or other unsweetened punch powder)
1-1/2 c. dextrose
1/4 tsp. stevia
1/2 tsp. sea salt
1/2 tsp. potassium chloride
1 gallon water

Mix well.

For popsicles we use juice (real juice like orange juice from concentrate or home pressed apple juice), milk flavored with jam or fruit puree, yogurt smoothie, banana smoothie, half-strength pudding (2x milk), and rarely leftover soda. The kids love these and eagerly make the popsicles each morning so they are frozen by the time afternoon playtime comes around.

All in all, we hope to keep our sugar consumption down, because there will be times that soda or punch will be the only drink available, and there will be treats at parties, etc. I just do my best and try to remember the old adage, "God grant me courage to change the things I can change; the serenity to accept the things I cannot; and wisdom to know the difference."

Here are a couple of articles regarding sugar.
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2010/04/20/sugar-dangers.aspx

http://www.healingdaily.com/detoxification-diet/sugar.htm

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/20/health/20brod.html?scp=3&sq=jane%20brody&st=cse (Interesting comment on advertising's effect on kids sugar consumption.)

"What I'm Reading" Wednesday

2010-05-27T07:21:00.000-07:00

All right, it is Thursday, but at least I'm getting this done now, instead of completely ignoring it. I really do enjoy telling about the books I'm reading.

I pressed forward with Why Some Like It Hot by Gary Paul Nabhan, and I'm very glad I did. I found the remainder of the book far more interesting than the first part. I guess the search for an ancestral diet wasn't interesting enough, but when Mr. Nabhan started getting into the phenomenon of favism in the Mediterranean and the health advantages of the Cretan diet of greens and olive oil and the prevalence of diabetes in desert dwellers, I was hooked. I especially enjoyed the information on how people actually taste things differently depending on their genes. I think I have a "super-taster" among my children. Any little bit of pepper prompts a strong reaction, and I wondered why she just couldn't learn to like the spicy stuff. I think I'll try to be a little more understanding in the future. This book turned out to be an interesting read after all, and I hope I remember the lessons learned, especially the "keep reading until the end, even if you're not sure you like the book" lesson.

I also finished the book And Only To Deceive by Tasha Alexander. This book is a period mystery set in Victorian England dealing with antiquities fraud, and of course, murder. I liked the story very much, as well as the writing style. The author wrote in a clean, easy to read style that served the book well. She constructed an intriguing storyline, keeping it and the behavior of the heroine within the social mores of the era, especially the pressures of widowhood, while still allowing them to "push the envelope" of convention, as it were. I did question the intelligence of the heroine for a while, though. She seemed very willing to condemn/approve all behaviors according to her initial emotional reaction to them, instead of thinking things through more than once and then forming/changing her opinion. Only direct evidence allowed her to alter her "theory" of the crime. I would have liked to see her mentally explore different ideas and paths of reasoning before settling on the one that seemed most logical. It would have been interesting to see her make several different guesses, even if they were wrong, to show her intelligence and reasoning skills. As this book is the first of a series with this heroine, perhaps her character and reasoning skills will develop over the course of the novels. I will be very interested to see this happen. Although this book is new at our library, I am pleased to see that Ms. Alexander has 4 novels in the series published. As soon as I convince the library to purchase them, I will immerse myself again in the world of Emily Ashton. And I might not come up for air for quite a while.

Only 2 books to report on this week, but next week should be a bit fuller. I've checked out an interesting looking title, The Gift of Thanks: The Roots and Rituals of Gratitude by Margaret Visser, as well as a book on blood spatter by a crime reconstructionist (I think I'm hoping for a real-life Dexter), an autobiography of Melissa Anderson from the Little House on the Prairie television show, and a book examining the psychological implications of hatred. We'll see how far I get this week, since the kids are out of school. I may find myself way too busy to read, but I hope not. I hope I can encourage them to spend a bunch of their free time reading as well. That would be a summer to remember.

Monday Morning - Last week of school

2010-05-25T06:47:00.000-07:00

It is almost upon us. The last day of school. I will shortly have 5 unskilled laborers on my hands. In addition to unskilled, they are unmotivated and unreliable. What's a mother, er, I mean a boss, to do? Get organized, that's what. I realize that most parents don't view their children with my jaundiced eye. Most parents look at their offspring and see sweet little darlings needing to be entertained and kept happy through the long, boring summer months. Me, I see a labor pool waiting to be utilized in the most efficient manner possible. So I started making lists and schedules weeks ago. I think I have things under control. I think I'm ready for the onslaught.

We start with the end of this week. The kids are done Thursday this year (weird, I don't remember it being Thursday before, but perhaps my memory isn't what it used to be...) and so there is this little end of the week hanging there. It's too late in the week to start any new schedule (All new schedules should begin on Mondays. Period. Diets, too, but that's another post.) I intend to use the 2 dangling days to clean out bedrooms and deep clean the house so that we can really start fresh on, you got it, Monday.

Monday morning will begin the summer schedule (see below); it seems brutal on it's face, what with the getting up at 5am and working all morning, but look at the afternoons. If they complete their work in the allotted time (very doable) they get the entire afternoon to devote to their own interests. That's a pretty good work schedule to my way of thinking. Then they have a very short stint of work, exactly the same as they did before dinner during the school year. This is followed by what? Another bunch of leisure time. Family time!! My husband has promised me that if he can truly get up and work all day (no afternoon siestas for him) then he will be done after dinner and we will spend quality family time every day. We tried this last summer as well, and it worked out most of the time. It's a schedule I really like. But my real point is, it's really quite easy for the kids. Even though I should get several hours of work out of them daily, they still have plenty of free time to do those summer need-to's, like march in parades and drink lemonades and count all the stars in the sky.

I guess the most important thing to me is that I have a schedule set down. If I deviate, that's fine. I can go with the flow, turn on a dime, do the unexpected. As long as we all know what we're supposed to be doing. As long as I have a framework to go back to when I need it. As long as I have a list.

What I'm reading...

2010-05-20T20:29:00.000-07:00

It's Wednesday again, and I'm not prepared for any large book reviews, so today you'll just get a rundown of the reading list for the week.

1- Why Some Like It Hot by Gary Paul Nabhan. I was prepared for a fun and fascinating foray into why certain peoples/cultures eat the way they do and how those food choices have affected them, evolutionarily speaking. Sounds like a good time, right? Unfortunately, I'm having a very hard time really getting into this book. The writing is a little thick and wordy, with explanations sometimes confusing instead of clarifying. I don't know if I will finish it, which is saying a lot for me. There are few books I leave unfinished. It's not very thick, though, so perhaps I'll persevere and see if things improve as I go along.

2- What Einstein Told His Cook by Robert L. Wolke. This book is an explanation of kitchen science, and I did find it interesting, although I found that I already knew more than I thought about the chemical reactions in the kitchen. The author has a quirky sense of humor, which kept the book enjoyable, even during the more pedantic explanations. He also possesses a scientist's certainty that what he knows is so. For example, his dismissal of any assertions that sea salt, with it's myriad trace minerals, could be healthier than table salt, irritated me. Ditto for his exploration of microwaves affects of food. There are so many things about nutrition and the body's absorption of, reaction to, and utilization of different substances that modern science either does not understand or cannot explain. It irritates me to hear scientists state the unequivocal "truth," when I know that, even in the realm of science, "truth" is always expanding and even changing. If you are looking for an easy to understand explanation of kitchen science (and a base knowledge in this area will almost certainly help you become a better cook) I definitely recommend this book.

3- As referenced in my previous blog post, I did read Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins over the weekend. I liked it.

4- Most enjoyably, I've been re-reading a favorite talk by Hugh Nibley called "Zeal Without Knowledge." I very much enjoy Nibley. He has an ability to cut straight to the heart of a matter, to see and qualify human nature in a way that makes things clear to my mind. I recognize myself so easily in his writings. This essay begins by talking about how the human mind is capable on seeing or concentrating on only one thing at a time. Even when we are multitasking we are merely skipping from one thing to another at great speed. At any given moment we are choosing what we focus on, and by default we choose what to leave out. The brain sifts through the myriad impressions to select those that fit best into the structure of the world as we choose to see it. The blocked out signals are the unwanted ones, and the ones we favor are our deliberate choices. This, combined with the fact that unless sleeping we must always be thinking, leads to a conclusion:

"It is precisely this limitation which is the essence of our mortal existence. If every choice I make expresses a preference; if the world I build up is the world I really love and want, then with every choice I am judging myself, proclaiming all the day long to God, angels, and my fellowmen where my real values lie, where my treasure is, the things to which I give supreme importance. Hence, in this life every moment provides a perfect and foolproof test of you real character, making this life a time of testing and probation."

And this in the first 2 pages of a 10 page manuscript! I love the thought process that Nibley takes me on, and I love the introspection and self-awareness that I gain from his wisdom. This talk is contained in Nibley on the Timely and the Timeless, Classic Essays of Hugh W. Nibley. I highly recommend it.

In addition to these books, I have been on sort of a movie marathon. I found 6 movies at the library last week that I wanted to see, as well as the Netflix movie that came in the mail. So in the last week I made time to watch Vantage Point (liked it very much), Return With Honor (Message of the movie=excellent, execution=okay.), One God Man (What was the point? Oh, to show that he is a good man, and it's not always easy. Got it.), Alex and Emma (Meh.) Doubt (definitely a discussion starter. One thought - what is our obligation to prevent a crime/sin, when by it's prevention we ensure we cannot ever know what would have actually happened had we not intervened?), and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (Fun, fun, fun, fun, tragic ending.) Haven't had a chance to see the documentary Mormons and Masons yet.

Yes, it's been a busy week, and I have neglected very important things that I will today have to rush to get done. It was worth it. Sometimes you just have to have a reading orgy. Or a movie orgy. Or both.

Oops.

2010-05-17T11:48:00.000-07:00

I broke one of my own rules. Now I'm going to regret it, and for several years, I'm afraid. Aubrey brought home The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins a month or two ago, and I read it. I actually enjoyed it very much, although I do agree with the general consensus that it is quite violent. So I put my name on the library waiting list and have now read the second book in the series, Catching Fire. Liked it equally well. The problem? I have a strict personal rule not to begin a series until it is either completely finished or the final installment is imminent. I ignored my rule because the book was right there, in my home, in my hands. Now look what it's gotten me. I'll be waiting for who-knows-how-long to find out (spoiler alert!!) how the uprisings go, whether Peeta survives, and what actually happened to District 13. Drat.

While we're on the subject of teen books, I've been reconsidering my decision not to let Aubrey read the Twilight series until she's 14. She's already told me she wants to watch the movies when she's 13, as they are rated PG-13, and (based on content) I don't think I can object, except for...I don't want her to watch the movies until she reads the books. I need to either keep her from watching the movies for another year (she's almost 13 now) or allow her to read the books when she turns 13. There's a certain amount of emotional maturity I was hoping for before she got into the topics that are brought up by these books, topics like the longevity of teenage love, letter of the law/spirit of the law, the importance of physical appearance, and keeping/losing one's identity in a relationship. But she has read The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and who knows what other books I don't even know exist, books with content that is easily as questionable as the content of the Twilight series. By forbidding only the questionable books I'm aware of, I worry that I am being protective in a way that is hit and miss, which pretty much doesn't protect her at all but tells her I don't trust her. Should I have her okay with me every book she reads, or do I let her read anything she can get her hands on? Does it have to be all or nothing? Hard choice. Like her, I was a voracious reader from early on, and I remember some of the books I was reading by the time I was her age. I don't want her getting into hard-core romance novels as early as I did, but I'm not sure if I can stop it. Or if I should even try. I certainly didn't fall into the traps of the flesh that I fear for her, but it was probably as much from lack of opportunity as from strength of character.

I think I will probably allow her to read the Twilight series this summer, and I will re-read them simultaneously, so that we can discuss any subject matter I feel needs exploration. Hopefully the discussion, the connection, is something that can be extended to include anything she reads and has questions about/issues with. I'd like to keep her in the young adult section of the library for at least a couple more years.

(Just checked Amazon.com, and I guess the third and final book of the series, Mockingjay, is due out at the end of August. Not as bad as I had feared, but still annoying.)

"Am I there yet?"-- Quote of the day

2010-05-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

"Maturity is the point where emotion merges with intellect." --- Sheim M'Shmuel

57th Annual Dance Festival (Gulp!)

2010-05-14T10:47:00.000-07:00

Last night our family indulged in a yearly ritual wherein the children dress up and perform for the public, the mother dutifully photographs and praises said dancing, and the father engages in every avoidance technique possible. Hooray for Hurricane Elementary School Spring Dance Festival!! This year marked the 57th year of this beloved community event (my tongue is so firmly in my cheek I may never get it out!) Well, I should admit that there are many people who truly enjoy this event, where all the children at Hurricane Elementary learn a dance with their fellow grade members and then perform the dances in the high school gym. Many people have fond memories of themselves, excited and nervous, performing in years past; of their own children decked out in their Sunday best and doing the same; maybe even precious grandchildren, smiling shyly or clowning around grandly for the SRO audience. These memories and experiences draw them yearly to admire and support each new generation in this endeavor. It's truly a community tradition. Some people, however, see things differently. There are now 3 schools that serve the Hurricane Valley, and neither of the other schools hold a dance festival, so it's really not a community-wide event anymore. Some people didn't care to perform silly dances when they were young, and don't like feeling emotionally blackmailed into attending the event now that their children are in it. ("How can you not support your children by being thrilled to watch them perform inane dance numbers which require massive investment of time, but of necessity, little in the way of talent? Don't you love them?") My husband and I were sincerely hoping the dance festival would die a quiet death with the move to the new school building earlier this year. For a while, it seemed that we might be right. January, February and then even March went by without mention of the blessed event. Was it gone? Finished forever? Alas, the truth reared it's ugly head in April (after the traditional performance date had passed) when Katie told me how pleased her teacher was that she could already hula hoop, since that meant she was ready to perform at the dance festival in May. Hopes dashed, we slapped smiles on our faces and prepared for the event. The pre-appointed day arrived. Russell headed off to the temple to support a former home-teaching family whose son is preparing for a mission (God bless the Garretts!! Russ will be bringing by some delicious reward for your excellent timing.) I washed, dressed, shod, and primped my 5 children for an evening of performances. (Aubrey does not attend elementary school anymore, of course, but she coincidentally had a choir concert the same evening.) We dropped Aubrey off, delivered the children to their various starting points around the high school, and went inside to find a place to sit. Good thing we got there 30 minutes early, because it's another community tradition that all the seats are taken by 10 minutes before the performance, and after that you have to walk up and down the floor scanning the crowd for people you know and holding up your fingers looking for the correct number of gaps in which to squeeze yourself and your kin. Due to our early arrival, Sarah and I scored seats near the front/bottom of the bleachers, and then I got to listen to her complain about how thirsty she was for 20 minutes. I couldn't take her to get a drink, because we would lose our places if I left. Luckily, Grandma Cleopha came, we were able to let her seat-sit while we went to get a drink. Performance time!! I spent the next hour snapping photos, assuring Sarah we would get another drink when the concert was over, admiring the dancers, shifting so all parts of my bum were equally numb, telling Sarah that we were not going to get a drink now, taking video, applauding, pulling Sarah off of the floor ("You're in a dress, sweetie."), smiling at the kids I knew, telling Sarah she could dance when she was in kindergarten, cheering and applauding, taking photos of Sarah between dances to keep her occupied, adjusting my knees so they weren't in the armpits of the man in front of me, and generally having a super time. Then, just like that (hah!), it was over. Gathering the children is always a challenge because they each want to get one of the much-coveted helium balloons used for decoration. After only about 20 minutes, we were out the door. We went out to the tail end of Aubrey's concert, went through children gathering rigmarole again (although this time the coveted item wasn't a balloon, but a drink of water from the most far-flung fountain in the school.) At last, together again, we went home, I gave them all a snack ("No, I am not feeding you another entire dinner. This is a snack!!") and sent them to bed. I was so exhausted that I literally left all the dinner dishes on the counter and just went to bed. What an evening! I don't know why everyone doesn't just treasure these opportunities and experiences. I know I will someday miss these precious days of their childhoods, but I really think my life will be just as full and my memories just as dear if they do not include the 58th annual Hurricane Elementary School Spring Dance Festival. What do you suppose the chances of that are?

4 Pairs!!!

2010-05-13T06:13:00.000-07:00

My new running shoes came in the mail yesterday. Yippee! (The UPS guy is truly one of my favorite people.) I'm going to go running in them this morning. They look mean to me, visually all sharp points and expanded metal grating. But cool.

This is the first pair of shoes that I have purchased with a knowledge of the type of shoe I need. Previously my running shoe purchases were made on the basis of price alone, which perhaps is not the best way to choose athletic equipment. I didn't have any trouble until I was training for the half-marathon this spring and my runs got over 10 miles long. Once I hit those longer lengths my IT bands started acting up. In talking to other runners I realized I need to really pay attention to the type of shoe I buy. No more searching solely based on price. I went to the Running Warehouse website (recommended by running guru Liz Dansie) and watched their video about selecting the right shoe. I learned that I need a shoe that gives moderate to maximum support, plus I need to buy one size larger than I have been wearing. Luckily I found a pair that gives the support I need in my humongous size (12!) on a fabulous sale. I got $100 shoes for $39.88. Can't beat that on eBay. It looks like being informed doesn't have to cost me more money, as I was afraid it would.

I'm hoping that what happened in terms of my running shoes and IT band issues was this: The pair I bought last year when I really started running was accidentally and coincidentally the right type of shoe for my gait - therefore no injury issues. Then, when I bought the next pair in January, they did not give the right support, causing me to aggravate my IT bands when I ran. Now that I am educated and aware (sort of), I have purchased a pair of shoes that again are appropriate for my gait. Thus, I'll be able to run fast and far without injury. That's my dearest hope, anyway. We'll find out over the next week or two. If I can run in these shoes without causing my IT bands to hurt, I will probably sign up for the Bryce Canyon Half-Marathon, but if I still have pain, I will probably have to stick to shorter races until I can figure out how to solve the injury problem.

The funny thing to me (not so much to my husband,) is that I have a hard time getting rid of the old shoes, figuring I can use them for the gym and bike riding, and after that to work in the garden or do concrete or whatever. So now I have 4 pairs of athletic shoes lined up in my closet. My shoe maven self rears it's ugly head. Cool.

"What I'm Reading" Wednesday

2010-05-12T06:33:00.001-07:00

How's that for a silly blog title? I wonder if I'll get a book review up here every Wednesday. That's my intention, but we all know about paving that proverbial road.

I've been reading a fascinating book the last 2 weeks or so; Crazy Like Us: The Globalization of the American Psyche by Ethan Watters (Simon & Schuster, 2010.) I had seen this book in the library several times before I finally checked it out. I was a little reluctant to read it because I had the idea it might be sort of anti-American, you know? "Those crazy Americans, they are making the whole world crazy too." But it still seemed to call to me from the shelf, so I thought I'd give it a chance. I'm very glad I did. The book is a fascinating examination of mental illness and how societies diagnose it, view it, and treat it. In our science-driven, technologically advanced society here in the USA, our view of mental illness is that of a disease, physiological in origin and therefore medically treatable. However, studies show that there are many aspects of mental illness that are culturally dictated, both in manifestation (symptoms), duration, and outcome. The author looked at four specific illnesses and anecdotally contrasted either their prevalence, symptoms, treatments, or outcomes between the USA and another culture. First, he talked about anorexia in Hong Kong. Before the mid-1990's, there were virtually no reported cases of anorexia in Hong Kong. After noticing this, a particular psychiatrist looked a little deeper and discovered that the condition he believed to be anorexia actually did exist, but it's symptoms differed enough from the American version of anorexia that it did not fall within the diagnostic criteria, and therefore wasn't considered to be anorexia. The American Psychiatric Association publishes a book, The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, (or the DSM), which has essentially become the worldwide standard of mental illness identification and diagnosis. But Hong Kong's version of this disease didn't include some key symptoms, for example "intense fear of becoming obese, even when underweight" and disturbed self-image, like claiming to "feel fat when emaciated." The Hong Kong psychiatrist found the cultural expression of anorexia, although it included severe control of food intake resulting in physical emaciation, did not include issues with body perception, but rather more culturally recognized physical discomfort issues like being unable to swallow. Because the Chinese have a strong cultural tradition of mental distress manifesting itself in physical sensations, the symptoms of anorexia were expressed that way, but since they did not fit the American textbook symptoms, were not recognized as anorexia. This is the main point the book makes throughout it's four case studies: that symptoms of a mental illness may differ worldwide, but the globalization of the American culture makes it difficult to recognize. In the same way, there are culturally driven treatments and responses that are effective in their place that are being ignored or tossed aside because they, too, do not fit the American mold as appropriate. In the mid 1990's, the importation of American culture into Hong Kong apparently reached a tipping point of sorts, and the Americanized version of anorexia, with it's full complement of American symptoms, showed up in force. Anorexia became rampant, manifesting itself in numbers that led some mental health experts to believe that not only were those who might have had the Chinese version of the illness becoming ill, but also many young girls who likely would have found other ways to express their social or personal distress had not anorexia been in the media so much. It seems that popularization of illness in terms of general knowledge lead to a popularization of illness in terms of frequency as well. In other word, just seeing a condition in the news leads a significant number of people to "get" it.
Other chapters of the book included: a look at PTSD in Sri Lanka (post 2004 tsunami) and how cultural traditions of dealing with mental stress by keeping silent (based on Sri Lankan belief system) rather than talking about it (American treatment technique) can be as effective; a look at how schizophrenia sufferers actually have better outcomes in Zanzibar than in industrialized countries like the US; and how the recent massive rise in diagnosis of depression in Japan has actually been driven not by American views of the disease, but by the marketing machinations of big PHARMA.
The book was fascinating, and not really an indictment of American mental health system per se, but more a caution regarding the wholesale exportation of American culture throughout the world without observation of or regard to local and cultural practices that may actually be more effective. Mr. Watters concludes, "With little appreciation of these (cultural) differences, we continue our efforts to convince the rest of the world to think like us. Given the level of contentment and psychological health our cultural beliefs about the mind have brought us, perhaps it's time we rethink our generosity."

One purse, two purse, old purse, new purse...

2010-05-11T06:38:00.000-07:00

They say you can't have it all. I say it's a good thing, because where would you keep it?
I got a new purse for my birthday. It took me a while to decide what I wanted, and I wavered between a single jogger and Wii Fit Plus for a while. One day at Target I saw this cute wallet and decided the time was ripe to change my "mom bag" for something a bit.....well, smaller. In the spirit of cleansing and purging and paring down, I chose a significantly smaller bag. I am hoping that the compact size will force me to be more selective and more organized my choices of purse contents. I'm really excited that I no longer have the need to carry an extra pull-up, or baby wipes, or even a spare pair of underwear for any of my children. And despite feeling just a little unprepared, I no longer carry a sewing kit, children's Tylenol, a month's worth of feminine supplies, or even a band aid. It's liberating. (Perhaps I ought to rethink the band aid thing, though. How much room could a band aid take up?) I have room for just what I need; wallet, keys, lip balm, cell phone, my reusable shopping bags (they are cute and very compact), a small notebook and a pen, calculator, comb, gum, floss, tissues, and coupons. See? I still have a lot in there. I just don't need to carry the kitchen sink. The only regret I have is that this purse is not large enough to stick a hardback book into. Oh, well. You can't have it all.

A letter to Ken Jennings

2010-05-07T21:07:00.001-07:00

Dear Mr. Jennings,

I was thinking of you the other day. I know that must sound very strange. Well, maybe not so strange to you anymore, now that you're a celebrity and all, but it was definitely strange to me. Strange that I should be standing in the middle of the St.George, UT, Deseret Industries and have you, a total stranger, step unbidden into my thoughts. I'm quite certain the reverse never happens. I'm sure you have never been standing in the middle of, say, the Salvation Army store and had me pop into your head. So it felt a little weird to be thinking of you when you have no idea that I even exist. And thinking of you fondly, no less.

I was perusing the books (the best section of any retail establishment) and saw a book from my childhood. A book I loved dearly. A book I must have read at least 20 times. A book that brought me hours of entertainment and diversion. What was this tome worthy of adulation from my childhood self? Ferdinand the Bull? And To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street? Perhaps The Secret Garden, or James and the Giant Peach. Nope. Great books all, but none of the above. It was The Book of Lists by David Wallechinsky, Irving Wallace, and Amy Wallace. Oh how I loved that book! Finding that book felt as if I were seeing an dear friend after too many years. And as I looked around to see who was near me, either trying to score my little treasure before I got to it or waiting to share my upwelling of fond emotion, you popped into my head. I knew that if you were there beside me, of all people, you would truly appreciate the joy that I felt right at that moment. You, of all people in the world, would appreciate true devotion I had to the contents of that book, and how the sight of the cover evoked fond memories of hours lost in reading, over and over again, all those wonderfully fascinating vignettes of the past. You would truly understand.

Now, I hope you don't misunderstand. I'm a happily married woman, and I don't mean happily married as a euphemism for married. I love my husband dearly and am not looking for any replacement or change, either physically or emotionally. He is my go-to guy for just about everything in my life. Just last month, in that self-same D.I., when I stumbled across the distinctive brown and tan couches we started our marriage with, the very couches(!), he was the one I called with a shout-out from the past. And last month, he was the one who came uninvited with our children to cheer me across the finish line of my first half marathon. He knew I would love to have them there, have him there, despite my sincere attempts to make his life easier by telling him to keep the 5 kids at home. He's my hero. But he just doesn't appreciate my tenderness for trivia, my love affair with the useless, fascinating minutiae of the world. And so, in that instant, when my mind was searching for just the right person to share the moment with, who came to mind? Ken Jennings.

There are, of course, reasons I thought of you specifically. Even though I have seen hundreds, if not thousands, of Jeopardy contestants, you are the only one I remembered at that emotional moment. My feelings are perhaps a bit more proprietary than your average fan. I too am a Mormon, albeit a smidge older than yourself, and I attended BYU. I wrote an essay for English class bemoaning my roommates' lack of concern for the trivia that I loved so dearly. Not too many people share my taste for the trivial. Watching you on TV was almost like making a new friend. You language, your mannerisms, your niceness - all of these things helped me identify strongly with you. There are probably millions in this country who admire you for your acumen with trivia. After all, you did what no one before had done. I know, I know; but for a then-recent change to the rules you might just be one in a field of many. Such goes life, right? But there you were, in that moment, and ready to take the challenge. You were the one. As I watched you on Jeopardy, I felt a strong kinship to you. You were exactly what I wanted to be. You achieved the dream. The dream that so many of us held but never felt we could achieve for whatever reasons. The dream of being recognized and rewarded (handsomely) for all those years of pursuing the footnote, of filing away and cataloging interesting information, of taking the extra mental step of remembering the fascinating details. You're my hero, Ken Jennings. And I've enjoyed you even more since then. I loved your book, Brainiac. I enjoy your blog. I privately attempt to answer your trivia questions weekly. (I do a pretty good job, for the most part, although I have to admit I have yet to know a Question 7 answer off the top of my head.) You have a very approachable personality and we have a great deal in common, so I feel as if I know you. Thus, I think, your appearance in my head that day in the book section of the local D.I.

I'm afraid there isn't a happy ending to the story. "No Merchandise Beyond This Point" and a potty training 3-year-old conspired against me. I left my cart outside the restroom for a moment, and it was taken by some officious D.I. employee for re-shelving. I searched, but could not find the precious book again. I try not to be critical or bitter. Someone just doing their job, right? It's probably for the best. There was that chapter on the sex stuff, you know. I do have those 5 children, so I would have had to keep the book in the bedroom. Either that or razor pages out like my friend's parents did (but I never could do that, not really.) So, I just let it go.

But I wanted to tell you thank you. Thanks for being you. Thanks for doing what you did, what you do, publicly and unashamedly. And most of all, thanks for being there in that moment. It meant a lot that there was the perfect someone to share those feelings with, even if it was only in my mind.

Yours sincerely,
Jennifer Tomany LeBaron

You can read more about Ken Jennings here. I highly recommend him. He's my friend (in my mind.)

I always jump ahead to the fun stuff.

2010-05-07T06:51:00.000-07:00

So my goal for this month is to get my photo albums in order and up to date. Blech. I wasn't in the mood. I don't know why I wasn't thinking clearly enough to make that a winter-time, bad weather goal. But it's a goal nonetheless. So how do you deliberately not even attempt to achieve a goal you have set for yourself? You don't, unless you want to set a disturbing precedent. The solution? Trade months!! Therefore, I have relegated the photo album goal to the month of August (still not cold weather - there may be more trading down the line) and am now in the midst of the formerly August/now May goal....Purge 20%!!

I am actually very excited about this activity. The idea is to reduce the clutter and junk I have around the house and stored up in the corners, thereby easing space issues and simultaneously easing the mind and soul. It also means an opportunity to clean all the corners and get some things organized that have been neglected since we moved in. I don't know if I can really achieve the full 20% I aimed for, since I try to be a frugal purchaser in the first place, but I am trying to be ruthless. If it has no real emotional significance, and I haven't used it in a year - out!! I spent the day yesterday involved in this pursuit, and intend to take all of today and tomorrow to do the same. And I'm loving it. While I don't love to clean, I do love to organize, so I am able to find quite a bit of joy in the job. I'm also able to find quite a bit of stuff. Stuff to give away. My intended recipient is the DI, but I got to thinking about all this stuff. Some of it is really good stuff. Little girl's clothes in very good shape (I already gave away the not so good items.) Household organization items. A vacuum that perhaps only needs a friend with small appliance rescue issues. A gorgeous oak wall shelf. And more.

So I have decided that I should let my friends have a chance to look over this stack o' stuff before I cart it off. There may be ought that they could use. There may be naught that they could use. Whatever. I'm issuing an open invitation to all friends who read this blog to bring their kids to play at my house for a little while Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday of next week. Early afternoon is best, right after lunch (or right after Picnic on Tues.). After that I'll haul the rest to the D.I.
I'm fairly certain that thereafter, my house will be an oasis of calm in a troubled world, a refuge in the storm, a well-organized heaven on earth sending forth perfect little children who are intelligent, healthy, and happy. Right? Of course, right.

Lovely

2010-05-07T06:45:00.000-07:00

While searching for a photo of a cute short 50's hairstyle for my little redheaded daughter, I ran across this photo of Audrey Hepburn. This photo seems to me to be the epitome of lovely. If I could choose a look that was romantically beautiful, this would be it.

It has to be named something...

2010-05-05T20:59:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here after the fundraiser tonight, and as my husband rubs my tired feet, we revisit an old dream. Once upon a time we talked about moving out of state. Russ had thought Arkansas might have some of the qualities he might look for in a place to live. In our looking around, we discovered the ideal place to be. We loved it. We shared our dream with others. And although it never actually came to be, I'd like to share it with you.

We think it would be great to live here. Russell could work here. We could recreate at the park seen here. We could possibly worship here. Neighboring communities are this and this. All in all, who wouldn't want to live in a place with everything going for it? (All right. I'm done laughing now. It must be time for bed.)

Should I?

2010-05-05T06:51:00.000-07:00

Should I run the Bryce Canyon Half Marathon? (Pro - It's all downhill, and it's in a beautiful area, and it's a great goal to keep me motivated to keep in shape over the summer. Con - It costs $35, I'd have to either leave my family at home or take them camping (neither is hubby's favorite thing), and it might end up killing my IT bands again.)

Should I cut my hair short? (Pro - It would be different [and I like a change every now and again], it would be cooler in the heat, and short hair forces me to style my hair every morning. Con - Hubby loves long hair, costs money to cut and to maintain the cut, and short hair forces me to style my hair every morning.)

Should I let JR and Aubrey get a facebook page? (Pro - shows I trust them, makes them very happy, and it's a social networking site I understand and can monitor easily. Con - Facebook restricts children from use so I would have to omit info to set them up, it would give kids more media time each day, and it almost certainly would be a source of conflict.)

Should I spend money on cute office organization stuff? (Pro - Cute stuff makes me more likely to use it and therefore BE organized, the office would look so much better, and I want to. Con - Money could be better used elsewhere, current stuff is functional and budget friendly (our family motto), and hubby would not understand.

These are the questions that haunt my nights. Well, they haunt my occasional free moments, anyway.

Cynical Quote of the Day

2010-05-05T06:34:00.001-07:00

"Some think they are preserving tradition when they are only perpetuating a habit."

--- Rabbi Shraga Silverstein

I Appreciate You...Have a door.

2010-05-01T17:43:00.000-07:00

I worked this weekend and this morning a teacher appreciation door (2 actually) for the kids' school. And I wondered, "How did I get roped into this?" No. That's not really accurate. I chose to do this. A friend asked me and I agreed. And when I was asked which child's teacher I would like to do, I said, "Both." I'm not feeling sorry for myself that I am doing this. I guess the emotion I'm really feeling is...conflicted. Yes, I feel conflicted about decorating these doors.

Every spring the PTO or some other parent group organizes parents to decorate their kids' teacher's door with some sort of a thank you message. They are generally very colorful and kid-friendly, and sometimes involve the gift of candy. You know, like "We love Mrs. So&so to Pieces!" on a paper covered with packages of Reese's Pieces. Anyway, I have gone through 7 years of having kids in school without having to do one of these doors. I guess it was my turn. I kind of enjoy the creative process of coming up with ideas. I don't mind the work of putting the actual paper decorations together. And I certainly don't mind the idea of thanking teachers for their patience and hard work on behalf of my children. The conflict comes about thus:

A. I prefer a heartfelt word of thanks to a public display of gratitude. Moreover, I personally do not enjoy cutesy things. It's kind of hard to impress me with a construction of butcher paper, tape, and pseudo-clever sayings (e.g. We're not "lion" we love you!!), so I think I would not appreciate the decorated door, even if I felt the gratitude behind it was sincere. It is kind of hard to do for someone else what I myself would not enjoy. Not impossible, though, because I understand that different people enjoy different things, so perhaps this type of gesture would be appreciated by the recipient teacher. If I knew it would, then I would have no problem doing it. So, aside from being best friends with the teacher and understanding their taste, how would I guess whether he/she would like such a thing? Well, I could ask the teacher I'm married to. Thus arises my second reason for internal conflict:

B. My husband, the aforementioned teacher, hates these kind of obligatory, public gestures of thanks. He thinks they are neither genuine nor sincere, since people are "assigned" to do them and every teacher gets one, regardless of their job performance. He gets a paycheck for teaching the children and doing his best every day, and for him, that is enough thanks. We don't decorate the trash cans once a year to thank the garbage collectors, nor do we decorate the water meter for the meter readers, and so forth. We do celebrate Secretaries' Day. Pardon me, I mean Administrative Assistants Day, among other professional's days. Why should some professions get recognized and others not? Some might say we should decorate the trash cans and water meters and whatever other representative items for whatever other professions. It would just be so easy for that type of thing to get ridiculously out of hand. My husband would say we should do the opposite and let the paycheck be thanks enough for the job done. I tend to agree with him.

But here I am, decorating 2 doors for Teacher Appreciation Week at our elementary school. I will follow through on my promise to do so, and I will do a good job. And if asked to do it again, I will probably say yes, because I empathize with the fellow parent whose assignment it is to find decorators. But I probably won't really enjoy it. Kind of sad.

Things I love!!

2010-04-29T07:01:00.001-07:00

If you are not a woman, you may just want to skip this post. It might make you a little uncomfortable. Then again, if you want to be the type of man who is sensitive and knowledgeable about the entire experience of being a woman, read on.

Just want to take a very short post to mention a product I love. Instead softcups. I have been using these for probably 10 years now. Still love them. I save tons of money and lots of garbage, so I think it's fabulous. Here's the link. Check it out.

Short run down. This is a soft cup that you put up inside your vagina next to you cervix during menstruation. The cup "catches" the flow, and you just empty it out every few hours, depending on your rate of flow. Sounds more intrusive than it feels. If you use tampons, this will be easy for you to use. They are very comfortable. You can wear them for any length of time without having to worry about toxic shock syndrome. I especially love them for the last 3-4 days of my period because I can put one in when I get up and don't have to worry about it all day long. They fit well enough that leaking is not a problem at night, either. During the first days of your period, when they could actually get full, you need to remember to empty them at about the same rate you would change other forms of protection. If you forget to empty it, it will overflow. I always wear a pad as well for the first couple of days of my period. After that, the cup and a pantyliner are great. The packaging recommends using a new one every day. That is so not happening at my house. I rinse it off nightly, when I get ready for bed. At the end of my period, I wash it with soap and water and use it again the next month. One can last me a good six months. This is where I save quite a bit of money, and feel like I'm doing the environment a good deed.

There are a couple of cons. Sometimes, during the first couple of days of your period if you are doing something especially active when the softcup is full, you can inadvertently empty it, which is only a problem if you aren't wearing a pad. Also, if you need to take it out and put it in again, you fingers get messy. So if you are not at home, you may want to keep a little packet of wet wipes handy in your purse. For me, however, I've found that I can "empty" the thing with a specific pelvic floor muscle contraction while sitting on the toilet. Simple and easy.

Anyway, I really do love this product and would wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone looking for a simple and "green" alternative to multitudes of tampons every month. If you have any personal questions about using them, I would be happy to answer. You can comment or email me, or just ask when you see me. Whatever. If you live near me, I would be happy to give you one (new, of course) for you to try if you want. And no, I am not invested in the company. I am neither a shareholder nor a paid shill. I gain nothing from sharing this except to share something I really think improves my quality of life with someone else.

Are there any starfish in Hurricane?

2010-04-27T06:53:00.000-07:00

I read this article in Russell's BYU Magazine last week, and it really resonated with me. I can't seem to forget it, and the work that the subject of the article carries out.

We've all heard the starfish parable, right? While walking along a beach, an elderly gentleman saw someone in the distance leaning down, picking something up and throwing it into the ocean. As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, picking up starfish one by one and tossing each one gently back into the water. He came closer still and called out, “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?” The young man paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.” The old man smiled, and said, “I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” To this, the young man replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.” Upon hearing this, the elderly observer commented, “But, young man, do you not realise that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!” The young man listened politely. Then he bent down, picked up another starfish, threw it into the back into the ocean past the breaking waves and said, “It made a difference for that one.”

How fulfilling it must be to know, without a doubt, that you make such a tremendous difference in people's lives. I often wonder how much I could be/should be doing for those around me. I know I have life changing influence over about 7 lives; those of myself, my husband, and all my children. But how much do I affect others around me? People like Miss De Lange in the article inspire me, make me want to do more than I am currently doing. In terms of helping the organization spotlighted in the article (thestarfishfosterhome.org) I intend to make a donation in my mother's and father's names for their Mother's/Father's Day gift. This is a tradition I started when I began having a hard time finding gifts for my parents, who have everything they need and can buy what they don't. I make donations to various non-profits in their name for holiday gifts. I think it shows that I'm thinking of them, and yet together we can help those who truly need it. I hope they appreciate the gesture. They seem to. Beyond helping this organization, though, I want to take opportunities to be more helpful, loving, and supportive to those closer to me. I'm adding to my monthly goals list to help one local non-profit cause each month of the year, whether it be through money of food donations, volunteering time, or whatever is needed. One cause a month, that's my goal. I hope a concrete goal like that will help me better identify opportunities around me instead of letting the world slip by my busy life unheeded. And I hope that sometimes, when the moment is just right and my efforts are sincere, I can truly make a difference for someone.

I'd like to run like the wind, but my knees won't let me.

2010-04-26T07:01:00.000-07:00

I suppose I should blog about the race. I certainly feel the logical pressure, the obligation. Surprisingly, though, I don't feel the desire. Isn't that strange? I finished. I did it. I achieved one of the most challenging goals in my life. The event seems best contemplated as a whole, in it's entirety. I ran a half marathon. Period. End of story. To parse out the details now seems almost anticlimactic.
But, in the interest of my mercurial emotions and my swiss-cheese memory, I will review the details anyway. I may well regret it if I don't.
Beginning Thursday night and continuing Friday afternoon, the guests arrived. My fabulously supportive sisters, Carrie, Meg, Zina, and Kass, came down to have a sisters run at the Hurricane Half Marathon. Carrie and Meg ran (read:walked) the 5k, while the other 3 of us tackled the longer run. After all had arrived, we took a quick drive to survey the route. Of course I have been training on the route, but my sisters had only heard about the monster hill that is Nemesis and wanted to see it for themselves. They were suitably impressed and intimidated. We stopped by the old elementary school to pick up packets and then headed back to the house for dinner. We had a carb-load dinner of penne with creamy pesto or Alfredo sauce, green salad, and garlic bread. Yummy!
After the aunties headed over to the motel (not enough room at the house for 4 extra adults who really want a good nights sleep), I got the kids settled down and turned in for the night. Got to sleep about 10pm. I nearly forgot to change the alarm, which would have resulted in a terribly Charlie Chaplin (maybe 3 stooges - minus 2) morning, but thankfully my brain remembered this minor detail before I totally drifted away. I actually slept very well, which was unexpected but very welcome.
5am arrived right on time and I rolled out of bed, dressed, ate a banana and was out the door by 10 after. (It's amazing the difference a bit of good preparation the evening before can make. I just wish I could convince my kids of this.) Because it seemed silly to drive 5 blocks so that I could run 13 miles, I walked down to the school. We sisters found each other and got on the bus and headed out to the starting line.
What a crush of people! I've never run a race like this before, and wasn't sure what to expect. But everyone was so friendly and easy going, it was nice to sort of wander around and look for people I knew. I also was able to use the port-a-potty to do #2, thank goodness. (Not a particularly big deal unless you are going to be running for the next 2-1/2 hours. Then it looms a little large.) Before we were even really ready, there went the starting gun, and the crowd was off. It wasn't as bad as I though it might be, trying to run in a large crowd. Everyone was pretty relaxed and spread out quickly so there was lots of elbow room. We were near the back to begin with, though, so things may have been different up front with the very determined runners.
The first 2 miles or so we 3 sisters stayed pretty close together. Then Kass started edging farther forward and we waved her off. About 2.5 miles in I got a little cramp and had to walk for a short distance. (I will probably not eat anything the next time I try a early morning race, but maybe rely on runners goo to get me through.) It went away quickly, but by then Zina was quite a little ways ahead of me, and although I got close once at about mile 5, I never really caught up with her. I started feeling my IT bands twinging about mile 5, which did not bode well for a great run. I walked up the hill (which I planned from the beginning) and then headed out over the ridge. The scenery was absolutely gorgeous. Sunrise over the hill, snow on Pine Valley Mountain, the red rocks across Sand Hollow Reservoir...breathtaking. I would say I ran about 80% of the rest of the race, walking occasionally when the IT bands got to where I couldn't even step anymore. I am so glad I took 800mg of ibuprofen before I left the house, or I would have been toast. I would run about a mile, then walk a block or so, then run another mile, etc. The last few miles were killer. But I was determined, and as I got closer to the end, I quit walking. Mandi Beard was out on her front lawn cheering, which was so nice. And there were people I knew cheering me in at the finish line. Liz Dansie and Cherie Santiago stood out of the crowd. Thanks, guys! That cheering makes a surprising difference. As it was, I made it to the finish line about 13 seconds under the time I had aimed to beat. 2:19:47 was my final time. And at the finish line...surprise! My husband and kids were there to congratulate me. That was especially nice, as I didn't expect that. Crowds aren't Russell's favorite milieu, so I hadn't even asked him to come, knowing he'd be more comfortable at home. But he thought I'd like the family there cheering for me at the end, and he was right. It was so satisfying. Then Russ took the kids home again, my sisters and I stayed to see the awards and cheer the final runners in. Carrie won a backpack in the drawing. I bought one of last year's medals that they were selling off. These old medals had the old Hurricane Half Marathon logo on it, "She's fast, but she ain't easy." I didn't see this logo on anything from this year, although I'm not sure why. Perhaps it was because of the route change, or perhaps it was in the interest of political correctness. Whatever, I hope it comes back. I think it's quirky and fun. The we went to breakfast at Barista's (good food, but quite pricey) and got Zina and Kass on the road back to their families. Carrie and Meg stayed until Sunday afternoon, which was nice. I love company.
The whole experience was wonderful. My knees were very sore the remainder of the day. I kept them iced for a while, and kept up the Advil for the day, and by Sunday morning, they were only a little sore. Monday felt almost perfect. So the physical recovery was quick, really. I do wish I had been able to run at my fastest pace for the entire race, but I'm satisfied that I did the best I could do. And I did it. I ran a half marathon. So cool. Don't know what's next. Kass says try the marathon in October. I don't think so, maybe another year. Kass and Zina would both like to do a relay at some point, which I think would be very fun. I'm sure I'll run in shorter local races as I can, like the Hurricane Trails River Run in July (plug, plug!) In terms of a large goal, I think I'm going to try a triathlon. Maybe not this summer, but definitely by next. And I'm hoping to be up to running the Hurricane Half Marathon again. And next year, watch out!

A Day in the Life of....Me.

2010-04-20T06:48:00.000-07:00

Tuesday Morning: Alarm goes off at 4:50am. Ignore it until quarter after 5. Lay in bed and listen to Russ shower while drifting in and out of sleep. When bathroom availability is imminent, get up, get dressed, get teeth and hair brushed. Roust kids out of bed. Scripture study at 5:45 (okay, we're 15 minutes behind schedule, but it happens every day, so I guess that makes it the real schedule as opposed to the alternate imaginary schedule.) Read one chapter of Book of Mormon. Send kids to get dressed, clean rooms, and do their morning chore. Make breakfast. Eat with Russ and whichever kids are done. Send husband and middle-schooler out the door. Supervise breakfast for those who trickle in late. Wipe peanut butter off shirt. Motivate kids to practice instruments (motivate with wooden spoon if necessary.) Restrain self from killing kids for breaking blinds in kitchen. Check in with iCal to remind self of any meetings, etc. Facebook and blog for 10 minutes too long, thus forcing a frustrated and raised-voice preparation to leave the house ("Hurry up or we're gonna be LATE!!") Out the door at about 8:20am. Walk the kids to school, go to my favorite class at the gym (Strength training today. My husband commented on my "guns" last night. I impressed him. Cool.) Walk home. Prepare food for lunch, and then shower if there's time left. Pick up the kindergartner at 11:45 and attend Picnic at the Park at noon. Relax for about 2 hours (except for helping kids get food and drink and making sure children remain contained in the park with their hands to themselves.) Home again in time to meet middle-schooler. Motivate said middle-schooler to practice instrument and start homework. Let little girls watch Barbie and the (whatever.) Work on laundry and finances. Welcome elementary-schoolers home at 3:45. Reward timely arrival. Coordinate getting two kids off to piano lessons and one off to ukulele lessons. Prepare dinner while supervising homework and afternoon chores. Welcome husband home to an orderly house and a loving demeanor (This actually happens once or twice a week. The rest of the time he gets a disorganized home and a harried demeanor. Oh well.) Serve dinner. Get JR to scouts and Aubrey to Young Women activity. Begin after dinner clean-up. Get aforementioned children home from aforementioned activities. Read school books and check homework. Try to remember to remind kids to brush teeth (a previously under-achieved goal that we've been trying to emphasize.) Bedtimes for kids are 7:30, 8:00, and 8:30pm. Finish laundry and finances. Try to find extra minute here and there to list the rental, assemble the flier for the Gaskell Benefit Dinner, shop locally for tiny water bottle, get short-sleeved shirts out of storage and put long-sleeved ones away, stitch up hole in Katie's Sunday dress, mix up weed killer and spray the yards, and register JR for the Webelos day hike. Get to bed by 9:30. Mentally gird up loins for tomorrow.

Milestones...

2010-04-15T06:14:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine turned 30 this week and was musing over the possible changes age might bring into her life. Rumor has it that the big birthdays, you know, the 30 and the 40 and the 50, are the most difficult to adjust to mentally. In my life, I have not found this to be true. I do not remember feeling any trepidation or depression at 30, but that was a long time ago, my memory isn't so great, and hey, my life was fabulous then. I was just 3 years married and had a beautiful 2 year old and another baby on the way. I was thrilled with everything. I do remember turning 40 very well, however, as it was just last year, and I'm sure I felt no emotional upheaval then either. I don't know if I'm unusually emotionally stable, or if the rumor is just plain wrong. But despite the joking around (which I do a lot), the numbers don't give me pause. In reflection, however, I have found a milestone looming ahead that is truly frightening.

In 2 years, I will be a mom with no little kids.
I know, I know, you're all saying....What? Poor Jennifer. She's lost her marbles. Hasn't she been looking forward to the time she can be at home alone for a minute? The time when a trip to the bathroom doesn't involve door pounding and tears. The time when a project can be spread out on the kitchen table and walked away from. A time when a pair of scissors can actually be set down without an internal assessment of the accessibility of the location - just set down. Sounds nice. What's to be afraid of?But, seriously. I'm scared of that moment, that time. Becoming a young mom was easy. All my life I've been involved with little kids. I was the oldest of six. I was helping with sibling before I knew which end was up (ask my mom about that story.) I earned most of my money in my teens from babysitting. And I was good. So good I went on to nanny 2 different times. I worked at a daycare center. Becoming a mother was the most natural thing in the world. No stress over how to go about the everyday care of children. I had experience, I had practice. No problem. And I wanted so much to be a mom. It's what I truly had aspired to my entire life. Moving into the social realm of the young moms was fun. It was a group I was eager to join, and I loved every minute of it. Still do. I love commiserating on the beauty and frustrations of breast-feeding, discussing the challenges of the toddler tantrum, and the weighing in on advisability of letting preschoolers stay up as late as their older siblings. But when Sarah gets into 1st grade, I move into a different set. Moms of older kids. And no, even though I have some older kids now, I'm not really in that group yet. I'm still very firmly with the moms of little kids. I'm afraid of moving on. I don't want to give up the camaraderie of Picnic in the Park. I like complaining that I need more adult conversation. I enjoy trading babysitting back and forth in order to chaperon a field trip. I love my life, and despite humorous observations on the joys of future solitude and productivity, I don't want it to change. So I find myself dreading that time I thought I would look forward so eagerly to. The time when there are no more playgroups, no more morning walks with the stroller, no more one-on-one time with a darling 2-year-old (or 3- or 4- or 5-year old.) No more lifting up to drinking fountains, or struggling with car seats, or helping to spoon up a bite of food. No more baby hair, or tiny socks, or buckling little shoes. I know what I'm going to gain. Freedom. Quiet. Time. Perhaps a bit more sanity. I am just terribly afraid it won't be worth what I'm going to lose.

In which parenting becomes even harder.

2010-04-13T06:47:00.000-07:00

Aubrey has been chafing under parental admonitions regarding schoolwork. When it was time to do homework, she wanted to read. When it was time to do housework, she pulled the homework card. She kept telling us she could take care of things herself. So we decided it was time to let her show us how well she could do. We're letting her have an opportunity to be totally in charge of her own homework, etc. It's a good time, since 7th grade isn't part of what's looked at for college entrance. She gets to decide her homework schedule, although I still remind her now and again. Old habits are hard to break. The only caveat is that at the end of the quarter, her grades have to be acceptable, or there will be consequences. Serious consequences. Sounds good, right? We get a little break from having to be in charge of her every minute, and she get the opportunity to test her little wings regarding self-discipline and developing a work ethic. An opportunity for great learning for all involved. Except...

She now has 2 F's. Yep.....2 F's. I'm about to pull my hair out. I am a little uptight about grades, which is interesting since I did not have such great grades in high school. I even failed an English class in 9th grade and had to go to summer school before my senior year to make up the credit. And I don't think my scholastic sloth impacted my life too negatively. It's hard to tell, of course, but I'm pretty happy with the path my life has taken, so I don't really rue the opportunities those high school grades may have cost me. At this point I doubt they will ever come back to haunt me, either. "Now Sister LeBaron, we were considering your husband for a general authority position in the church, but then we got a peek at your high school grades. Sorry, but you two will instead be offered a service mission teaching sewage sanitation practices to the people of outer Mongolia." Not likely. But I find that my kids' grades are far more emotionally significant than mine ever were or could be. How's that for payback? I truly feel for my dear mother now. I guess I gave her a rough time without even knowing it. And now I'm in the same boat. The curse remains in effect. (You know the one, where your mom promises your kids will be just like you?

Anyway, Russ and I are keeping our mouths shut for now. She certainly has the opportunity to pull those grades up to A's fairly easily. And I suppose even if she doesn't, a valuable lesson can be learned about responsibility and the work ethic, yada yada yada. I suppose the lesson may be learned even better if she does fail and ends up with some serious consequence. Which is all well and good, except...my baby will have failed a class. Waaaaaahhhhh! I want her to be perfect. It's hard to let go of those emotions and expectations and just let her be herself. Perhaps it is I who will do the most learning from Aubrey's educational mishaps. Perhaps the most valuable lesson will be the one where the mom learns to let go, so the child can really excel on her own terms, and succeed in her own way. If that's true, well, I sure hope I get an A.

Workout Songs

2010-04-06T09:54:00.000-07:00

For my sister, Zina, who is looking for some new songs for her workout. The first 16 songs on the play list are some of my favorite workout songs, in no particular order (except that Jai Ho! is my new favorite song.) Everyone's taste in workout songs is different, but I hope you can find some to invigorate you!!

Update on the smelly smell

2010-04-06T06:14:00.000-07:00

I have found a deodorant that seems to make living without anti-perspirant doable. It's Tom's of Maine "crystal confidence" citrus zest scent. It's a roll-on that is apparently a solution of that crystal that's supposed to be so great with some other stuff. (The crystal itself didn't work for me. The Tom's of Maine stick didn't work for me, either.) If I put it on in the morning every day, and also after every shower, I can stand to be around myself. I'm so glad!! I found it at the Washington WalMart - bottom shelf of the deodorant section. According to the Tom's website (http://www.tomsofmaine.com/products/product-detail.aspx?id=53&name=Crystal%20Confidence%20Deodorant%20Roll-On) there are 3 scents, although I only saw this one and unscented. The price was nice, too. Now I can be healthy AND not stinky. (I guess the real test will be the summer temps. August, here I come!)

Quotes to live by...

2010-04-06T06:10:00.000-07:00

How have I never heard this one before? It's a great one.

“Do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, to all the souls you can, in every place you can, at all the times you can, with all the zeal you can, as long as ever you can.” - John Wesley

Family traditions - Aebleskivers

2010-04-05T10:11:00.000-07:00

(Be it declared that images in this post are culled from the web and are not my own. I didn't think to take photos while I was cooking, and I wasn't willing to make another batch to illustrate my blog. Sorry.)
My mom has Danish ancestry, and at holidays growing up there were quite a few remnants of that Danish heritage around. For example, Mom's family would celebrate Christmas together on the evening of the 23rd of December, because in Denmark this is a celebration called Little Christmas eve (Lille Juleaften.) We would all gather at Grandma Beth's house, or Aunt Alma's, and have dinner and Christmas treats and sing carols. One of the desserts was a traditional Danish treat called kleiner. My aunt Alma and her family always brought the kleiner, while my Grandma and her family always brought the shortbread cookies, a more Scottish tradition than Danish. (For info on how to make kleiner, see my cousin's post here http://onemcpeck.blogspot.com/2009/12/danish-kleiner.html).
Another food from the Danish background was aebleskivers. We had these round pancakes for breakfast at regular intervals and for special occasions. In Denmark, aebleskivers are not a breakfast food, but that was when we always had them at my house. The word itself, aebleskivers literally means apple slices. I do not recall ever having them made with apples in the batter, however. We would have them with powdered sugar sprinkled over then, and sometimes jam om top or inside. I did inherit an aebleskiver pan from my Grandma Beth, and I had seen my mom make them for breakfast, but until a few years ago, my little family only had aebleskivers when my mom came down and made them for us.
A few years ago a friend from the 9th ward told me how she had a family tradition of aebleskivers as well. Their tradition was to make them for LDS General Conference. I thought this was such a great idea. I worry a lot about not passing traditions down to my kids because I'm too relaxed (read too lazy.) There are many things my mom did for her kids that I can't even do, like making each new baby a hand-made quilt, and a hand-crochet-edged flannel blanket. Russ's mom knitted each of my babies a baby blanket, and each of the girls has a crocheted dress she made for them. I'm not going to be doing those things any time soon. But, making aebleskivers? Well, that I can do.
So we started a tradition of having aebleskivers every Sunday morning General Conference. The kids love it. It's a special breakfast they look forward to for weeks ahead. And it makes General Conference seem that much more special.
The only special equipment you need is an aebleskiver pan. The recipe is just our best waffle recipe (with beaten egg whites and real butter and buttermilk if we have it.) When the batter is mixed, you heat the pan to the desired setting. (5 -1/2 works best on my stove.) Into each cup of the hot pan dribble a drop of grease (my mom used vegetable oil. I have used both lard and olive oil - both work fine.) followed by about 1/4 cup of batter. When the aebleskiver seems about half cooked (sorry, you just have to learn to judge this on your own) you turn it over, being careful the uncooked batter stays in the cup and the cooked half tops the cup. (Some people turn a quarter at a time, 3 turns in all. That makes them more round. I just turn them once.) You can use knitting needles to do this. I use a long cooking fork. You can see the process well-illustrated in the photo below.That is at least one tradition I can pass on to my kids and help them retain just a little bit of the pride and joy of their Danish ancestry. And they taste so delicious, too.

For more aebleskiver info, see the following:
http://www.solvangrestaurant.com/aebleskiver.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%86bleskiver

Happy Easter

2010-04-01T18:49:00.000-07:00

I just saw this video and loved it. It's so nice to see uplifting things online, and this seems particularly appropriate for this time of year. This reminds me of the Reflections of Christ project that was online and in temple visitor's centers last year. Enjoy it.
http://sonofmanproject.com/

Unexpectedly nervous...

2010-03-31T07:24:00.000-07:00

Isn't it kind of weird to be nervous about a race that I have no intention of even trying to win? I find myself a bit uneasy about the Hurricane Half-Marathon next month, and I'm not sure why. My only goal is to finish, which I'm sure I will do, even if I have to walk the entire way. Of course, I have no intention of walking the whole way, only select portions (like maybe up the nasty hill.) The point is, I'm not running to place, or to measure myself against the other runners, but simply to do something challenging and be healthy in the effort. So why should I be nervous? Doesn't make sense, but here I am with little butterflies in my tummy when I think about the race. On the other hand, I am also very excited about it! My sisters are coming down to race with me, which I think will be very fun. And I'm thrilled to be able to say things like, "Yes, I'm a runner," and "I'm doing a half-marathon next month." A half-marathon? That is so cool! It gives me a sense of accomplishment like not much else ever has. This has been a challenge bigger than any physical one I have given myself before (except perhaps carry a baby 9 months and have a natural delivery. 5 times.) This challenge, unlike the baby challenge, relies entirely upon my motivation and hard work. Maybe that's why I'm nervous. I'm still a ways from the goal, and I really want to cross that finish line and prove that I was up to the challenge. Well, the goal is in sight. Just a few more weeks of work, and then the big final push to victory. I can hardly wait.
http://www.cityofhurricane.com/index.php?module=ibcms&fxn=current_events.halfmarthon

Is it healthy if it causes stress?

2010-03-30T06:51:00.000-07:00

For the past several years I've been trying to be more healthy in my life. I've made changes in my eating habits and my exercise habits. I try to be cautious about chemical used in my home. I try to maximize nature's tricks and remedies, and minimize my dependence on artificial or synthetic substances. Over all I feel my life has been better for the effort. But I've run into a snag. A serious snag. A problem of proportions as to seem almost insurmountable. and that problem is....B.O.

You see, in my research I have come across discussions of the problems with aluminum ingestion. Although aluminum is not a heavy metal, it is right next to the heavy metals on the periodic chart, and is a very toxic chemical in the body. The AMA warns against cooking in aluminum pans because of the problem of aluminum leaching into foods. Aluminum has been implicated in Alzheimer's disease, a condition I absolutely would love to avoid. So, I'd like to minimize any risk factors I can. Here is the problem. Antiperspirants contain aluminum in the form of aluminum chlorohydrate. That is the active ingredient, the one ingredient that makes them effective. The aluminum chloride causes the pores to contract, which minimizes sweating. Voila! Dry underarms. Can you see where I'm going here? Underarm skin is very thin and delicate, and absorbs very well. It also tends to remain quite warm, which enhances absorption as well. So anything applied underarm is likely to be well absorbed. The aluminum is likely to be well absorbed. This is a problem if you are trying to keep aluminum out of your system. (There are also reports about problems with keeping your sweat in your body instead of letting it out as nature intended, problems with lymph nodes and cancer, etc.) So the logical course of action is to stop using anti-perspirants. Which I did. Now I'm miserable.

I thought it would be easy. My husband (who has Alzheimer's in his family) hasn't ever used anti-perspirants since I've known him. He only uses a deodorant, and he smells fine to me. He smells sweaty when he's been working, but it's not really unpleasant. So I jumped in feet first. I went looking for a simple deodorant. Surprisingly hard to find. There are several brands available for men, but none for women. I did find some Tom's of Maine which was not gender specific. $5.29 a pop, a big jump from my 99-cent Avon antiperspirant I was using. But what's a little money in terms of one's health, right? So I bought it and began using it.

Now I stink. I smell like body odor. I smell like sweat. It's driving me crazy. I don't know how long I can keep it up. I am not an everyday showerer. At least I didn't used to be. Now it looks like I will have to be if I don't want to offend every time I raise an arm. I don't mind smelling like sweat after the gym. I don't mind smelling like sweat after a run. And those are the times I shower. But I hate taking a shower, going to bed, and waking up smelling my armpits. I mean, how much can I possible sweat just lying there? I put on the deodorant and it actually seems to control the odor. For about 20 minutes. After that it's like the boy's locker room in my shirt. The people around me assure me that I'm being too sensitive, and they don't really notice any difference at all. I just don't know whether to believe them or not, because I sure notice a difference. About halfway through Primary on Sunday I was starting to worry about leading the kids songs because I could smell myself and wondered if they could too. I certainly don't want to drive the sweet children away from church because their Primary music leader stinks. How sad would that be? "Please don't make me go, mommy. It smells in there!!"

All right. I may be exaggerating a bit, but not much. It's tough. I have vanity about few things. I don't wear make-up. I spend about 2 minutes a day on my hair. I buy most of my wardrobe at Ross, Target, and Wal-Mart. I'm a pretty basic, what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of gal. But I have found I have vanity about odor. I don't want to smell. The question is, am I willing to risk my health to serve my vanity? I'm still undecided. I will probably stick it out a bit longer, and maybe try to find a deodorant that seems to hide the odor better. I think I will actually wear anti-perspirant on Sundays, not only to keep me comfortable, but also to keep from having to wash my Sunday clothes every time I wear them. And I will probably have to shower more often, even though it is hard on my skin and hair to do so. Mostly though, I'll just try to keep my head up, and my arms down.

Sometimes it gripes me...

2010-03-29T07:34:00.000-07:00

According to my email this morning, the way for me to prove I am not ashamed of Christ is to forward an email to ten people. Not to live a righteous life. Not to search for and share the truth. Not to support widows and orphans, and give help to the needy, and lift up the arms that hang down. Not to raise my children in righteousness. Not to do my best to support all that is good and condemn all that is evil in the world. And not, I guess, to love God with all my heart, might, mind and strength. Just to forward the email. I don't mind the email, really. It had some beautiful pictures of Christ. And I love the person who sent it to me. But it really makes me frustrated (and a little sad, I guess) that people continue to put energy into doing these little things that make no difference to their eternal salvation. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe forwarding emails is the true way to God. I hope not, though, because if it is, I'm in trouble.

A glorious weekend

2010-03-29T06:32:00.000-07:00

On Thursday night I went to a literacy group I hadn't attended before and had a nice time. It was a night to share our own recent reading list. Lots of opinions and discussion about a few books. I found it very enjoyable, but I always find it enjoyable to share my opinions about things (don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I lean towards the latter, but it's hard to change.) The reason I mention it, aside from wanting to share with the organizer and participants how much I enjoyed it, is to say that Jenny Chamberlain loaned 2 books to me that night, The Goose Girl and Enna Burning by Shannon Hale. The next day my friend Amy Heaton let me know I could borrow her family's copy of book 5 of the Fablehaven series, newly released and hard to come by without purchasing. I picked it up Friday evening around 6. Then, and this is the best part, I spent the entire weekend reading those 3 books. I was done by Sunday afternoon. How nice!! Now these books are juvenile fiction, written for older kids and teens, so they read very fast, but I even surprised myself with how quickly I was able to get through them. And my house didn't even fall apart. I didn't get the laundry done that I should have, but that could wait til this week without any harm done. I talked the kids into doing their Saturday work on Friday night so we could have the entire day Saturday to play with Porter and Eliza, who came over for a few hours. So while the kids did their work Friday night, I read. After the kids and my tired husband went to bed Friday night, I read. The next day our friends were here from about 8:30 to 5, and while they all played Nintendo, dressed up, designed marble tracks, played outside in the wind (for a short while - COLD!!), and watched Astroboy and Veggietales, I read. After they went home and I got home from the YW meeting, I read. Sunday afternoon after church, I read. I read and read and read. It was truly a glorious weekend.

Food Rules

2010-03-23T06:06:00.000-07:00

I love food. I have done a lot of reading about various types of "cuisines" and healthy eating, etc. and have a set of beliefs regarding healthy food that diverges from the mainstream a bit. If you ever want to talk food, I love to do it. An author that I enjoy, even if I don't agree with him 100%, is Michael Pollan. He wrote a book I loved called The Botany of Desire, an examination of 4 particular plants' struggle to propagate, and how making themselves valuable to humans has helped them achieve that goal. (Doesn't that sound fascinating?) He also wrote The Omnivore's Dilemma, proposing that we humans make a decision every day that no other creature on earth has to make. What should I eat? Animals are driven by instinct regarding their diet, and can only eat what is in front of them. Even those that are able to exercise some choice, other omnivores like bears, for example, are still restricted by season and availability. You can only eat salmon when the salmon are running, and you can only eat blueberries during the week they are "on." The choice is still very limited. Humans, however, have managed to overcome almost all obstacles to eating whatever they desire. Has this made us healthier or wiser in terms of food? Interesting book. He has written other books as well. Because of his interest in human nature and diet, Mr. Pollan has done a lot of studying and researching various types of foods and the science behind them and has put together a little book that I love. It's called Food Rules.
It's a cute little 140 page paperback full of rules to follow if you want to be healthy. I think anyone interested in healthy eating would enjoy this book. Mr. Pollan advises choosing judiciously the rules that you think you can abide by, and here are a few of my favorites.

2. Don't eat anything your grandmother wouldn't recognize as food.

3. Avoid food products containing ingredients no ordinary human would keep in the pantry. (Ethoxylated diglycerides? Calcium propionate? Xanthan gum? If you wouldn't cook with it, don't let someone else cook with it for you.)

10. Avoid foods that are pretending to be something they are not. (Imitation butter, nonfat cream cheese, artificial sweeteners, etc. If it's not real, don't eat it.)

27. Eat animals that themselves have eaten well. (It's only humane to allow other animals the life that makes them healthy and happy - sunshine, fresh air, good natural foods. And, their optimal health translates to healthy animal products for us.)

39. (My Favorite!) Eat all the junk food you want as long as you cook it yourself. (Want doughnuts? Make them yourself. Fried chicken, ice cream, or french fries? Cook them yourself. Chances are you will eat them far less often if you have to put forth the effort to cook and clean up.)

47. Eat when you are hungry, not when you are bored. (Old wives test: If you are not hungry enough to eat an apple, your aren't really hungry. Food is a costly antidepressant.)

58. Do all your eating at a table. (Studies show you eat less when at a table than when you are focused on doing something else, like watching TV.)

64. Break the rules once in a while.

These are just a few of the "rules" Mr. Pollan proposes. They all make sense and it's fun to read and choose between them as you examine your eating habits and see where improvements could be made. I disagree with a couple of things he says (I always find something). At one point he lists a couple of traditional diets as examples of how vastly different diets can result in physically healthy populations, like the Inuits' diet comprising mostly seal blubber, Central American Indians eating mostly maize and beans, and the Masai tribesmen subsisting mainly on cattle blood, meat and milk. Then he concludes that one should, "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." Given his examples of diverse diets (along with research from Weston Price, among others) I think his conclusion ought to read, "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly unprocessed."
Plants are very good. I just think one can be just as healthy on more of a protein-based diet, IF (note the big if) one avoids all processed foods like refined sugars, processed flours, etc.
Now, I am not the best at practicing what I preach. We have cake from a mix occasionally, and I frequently (too frequently) make my bread from white flour, but I see what I want my family's diet to be, and I'm working to get there. This book gives some fun, concise rules to help me get there. I loved it. (It's available at the Hurricane Branch of the library. 613.2 Pollan)